I've just left my distraught child at Nursery, being comforted in the arms of another woman.
.
He was distraught as he has a cold, and is clingy, and we took an unscheduled stop on the journey in, and he 'lost' his toy car out of his pocket. (It wasn't lost, just not in his pocket.)
.
In the life of a small child, these are big deals.
.
Enough of a big deal, that he required some real, and sustained cuddling from Mummy, before he could bear to move on and play. Extremely unusual, in a child normally far more resilient to stress, and pain, than his peers.
.
The reason why he was crying in another woman's arms?
.
My little boy was so deeply upset, he wanted to nurse, for comfort and love. Had I been able to nurse him, just for a few moment, he'd have recovered on his own, and gone off to play under his own steam. He would have taken control of his own distress.
.
Unable to allow him this heinous act, in a Nursery of other children, I had to refuse, and load on distress, rather than provide him comfort.
.
I then had to allow another woman, to sweep him up into her arms, and comfort him. As I was now a source of distress, it was better for me to leave, and allow another to take my place.
.
Because my body, and what I do with it as a mother, is socially controlled. As a woman, my mothering, and my body, is controlled by the gaze of others. I didn't even feel I could ask to withdraw to a private space, as I didn't want the entire "she's a freak" thing to enter into my, and my son's, relationship at his wonderful Nursery. I was too afraid. Too scared.
.
The next time someone tells me that 'discretion' in breastfeeding isn't a feminist issue, or that they have the right to determine how, where, and when, I offer my breast to my child, I'm likely to punch them in the face.
.
.
.
He was distraught as he has a cold, and is clingy, and we took an unscheduled stop on the journey in, and he 'lost' his toy car out of his pocket. (It wasn't lost, just not in his pocket.)
.
In the life of a small child, these are big deals.
.
Enough of a big deal, that he required some real, and sustained cuddling from Mummy, before he could bear to move on and play. Extremely unusual, in a child normally far more resilient to stress, and pain, than his peers.
.
The reason why he was crying in another woman's arms?
.
My little boy was so deeply upset, he wanted to nurse, for comfort and love. Had I been able to nurse him, just for a few moment, he'd have recovered on his own, and gone off to play under his own steam. He would have taken control of his own distress.
.
Unable to allow him this heinous act, in a Nursery of other children, I had to refuse, and load on distress, rather than provide him comfort.
.
I then had to allow another woman, to sweep him up into her arms, and comfort him. As I was now a source of distress, it was better for me to leave, and allow another to take my place.
.
Because my body, and what I do with it as a mother, is socially controlled. As a woman, my mothering, and my body, is controlled by the gaze of others. I didn't even feel I could ask to withdraw to a private space, as I didn't want the entire "she's a freak" thing to enter into my, and my son's, relationship at his wonderful Nursery. I was too afraid. Too scared.
.
The next time someone tells me that 'discretion' in breastfeeding isn't a feminist issue, or that they have the right to determine how, where, and when, I offer my breast to my child, I'm likely to punch them in the face.
.
.
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