All About Women | Women

Novelist and poet Christopher Morley once said, "When you give someone a book, you don't give them just paper, ink, and glue. You give them the possibility of a whole new life."

One of the possibilities is the possibility of inner peace. Not only can a book transport a person to a far off land, to another time, a different space, but it can also give the gift of inner peace – a respite from the harried and hurried life they are all too familiar with.

When you need to give a gift and have no idea what to give – give the gift of inner peace. Give a gift certificate to a favorite bookstore or to Amazon.com. It’s the kind of gift that will forever be appreciated and cherished.

Give the gift of peace,
Coach Carolyn

"We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don't make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace." ~ The Dalai Lama

Are you at peace with yourself? If you are not, then you are at war with yourself – and this is not a healthy place to be. Perhaps it is time for you to STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

"Am I feeling peace right now? If not, why not?"

Then just sit with the questions. Just notice what you are feeling. Whenever any unsettling feelings creep up, they creep up to deliver a message. Yet, we are not conditioned to properly handle unsettling feelings, so we ignore or deny them, hoping they would just go away. Well, they might go away for now, but as the Terminator said, “I’ll be back!” And, yes they will.

Coach Carolyn

If one of your unsettling feelings that you are trying to hide is fear, then this is your time to begin dealing with your fear. Get some mentoring in the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program. It’s fast and easy and you can participate from the comfort of your home or office.

"It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours, and you'll drift in that direction." ~ Warren Buffett

The late Jim Rohn taught that we are the average of our five closest friends. Think about the five people you spend the most time with. Stop, take a breath and ask yourself:

Are our conversations positive and uplifting or negative and draining?

Can I be my authentic self around them?

Do they support and encourage me no matter what, or are they naysayers and bring me down most of the time?

As the year winds down, take some time to do some serious self-reflection. Move into 2010 with a new outlook on your life. Let go of the shackles and lighten your load.

And I am talking about your five closest friends; those people you have chosen to be in your life, in your inner circle. We cannot help our family members, work colleagues and superiors but we do have choice over the quantity and quality of time we spend with them. Spend only time with them permitted by work or family gatherings; and only share with them the parts of your life related particularly to them. You don’t have to tell everyone you are thinking of starting a business, especially if they will not give you the support and encouragement you need.

It’s all about choice. You have the power to choose peace or confusion. You have the power to choose your friends as well. It doesn’t matter if you have known them since the year of the flood; if they are toxic, then it’s time to renegotiate that friendship. We always worry about offending someone or hurting someone’s feelings. Yet, we are prepared to get beat up at every turn. Living an authentic life means you have the peace you were born with, and can access that peace especially when things get heated.

Having grown up in drama, I made the decision that the only drama I wanted in my life was on a movie screen and I could walk away from it after the credits roll. I made that choice, and it has made all the difference.

It’s your life, and you only get one; but if you work it right, one is all you need!

Coach Carolyn

"Our internal states have a significant influence on the external world. If we create peace in our own bodies and minds, the world becomes more peaceful." ~ Shari Friedrichsen

I believe it was the Trappist Thomas Merton who said if you want peace in the world, you must become peace, then there is at least some peace in the world. We fail to remember that fear, anger, resentment, blame, and the like shut out peace. Peace, like light, cannot co-exist with the darkness.

Just for today, when the storms of anger and chaos are swirling all around you, just remain calm and be at peace; and watch what happens.

"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it." ~ Brian Tracy

"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." ~ Swami Ramdas

Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what’s happening inside rather than outside.

When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.

"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." ~ Eknath Easwaran

“Your life is what your thoughts make it.”
~ Marcus Aurelius

We many or may not be able to change or control our circumstances. We are able to change and control what we choose to think about them. It is we who assign it the label of positive or negative; good or bad; pleasant or painful.

The meaning we assign a certain circumstance is what gives it life. If we don’t like our circumstances, then we need to assign it a new meaning – change the way we think about it.

We have the power to choose a new thought – a thought that will bring us inner peace and purpose.


Make it a peaceful and prosperous day!
Coach Carolyn

Our Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup met last weekend. I want to say thank you ladies for coming out on a frigid afternoon, I appreciate you all.

We talked about spiritual practices ~ some tips on how to use them and some examples of specific ones. One very important tip is to just do it! It is not about being perfect, but being centered and at peace. This you will never accomplish if you just don’t start already! Never mind about how it looks or sounds to anyone else, this is your journey and your practice. It looks however you need it to look for it to work for you.

Another tip is to have no expectations. It is said that expectations are future rejections. When I expect someone to do something, and they do not; it is not the person that has let me down, but my expectation of them. Go into everything with an open heart and an open mind. This is critical for spiritual practices because when you have expectations, chances are something will come up that is not in line with what you expected. Then what? You give up because it didn’t go according to your plan. In the realm of the spirit, nothing goes according to your plan. This is an important lesson to keep handy. I can do the same practice two days in a row and each day presents something different. Why? Because I am different. I am feeling something different, I am experiencing something new and different, or I am just in a funky place at the time.

One of our newest members shared her spiritual practice of meditation. She remarked how centered and peaceful she feels once she has had her meditation time; and how empty she feels when she does not meditate. Another member shared that she creates vision boards and this is very calming for her.

There is no set practice ~ whatever you do to connect you with the divinity that is within you and outside of you is your practice. I shared my four main practices: prayer and contemplation; spiritual reading; silence and solitude; and journaling. I can definitely feel the effects when one or all of those practices go unchecked. For silence and solitude, I take myself on an Artist Date; just me, my journal and my pen. No friends, family or pets. No distractions, just time to be with yourself, to get to know yourself more.

If you are a newbie to spiritual practices, there are two sites that I have found to very useful: One is Beliefnet – whatever your belief system, this site will accommodate you. It offers prayers, meditations, news and views on all things of a spiritual and religious nature. The other site is Spirituality and Health, named for the magazine. Try one or both sites to jumpstart or spice up your spiritual practice.

I also shared a ritual I use for ending my day: every evening I do a self-inquiry of my day. I answer three questions:
*What have I learned today?
*What have I enjoyed today?
*What have I improved or contributed to today?

Then I list five things I am grateful for that day. Instead of going to sleep anxious and worried about the day or the next day, this sets the tone for restful and peaceful sleep. When you wake up, set an intention for your day.

What would you like the day to look like? Ex., a day full of peace-filled conversations with no drama!

How do you want to feel? I want to feel peaceful and grateful all day, not worried or stressed.

Also, if you have a petty tyrant, that special person whose job it is to constantly annoy you, set an intention that your petty tyrant won’t annoy you today. And if s/he does, it won’t bother you; you will remain in a state of peace and goodwill. It may sound hokey, but when done in the proper spirit, it does work and you will notice the difference. As a coach, teacher and speaker, I have many petty tyrants. Yet, I see them as my teachers ~ they are in my life to teach me something. Yet, I simply remain open and grateful for the lessons and the blessings that come. This is what consistently doing spiritual practices has taught me ~ to be more open and look for the light instead of expecting the darkness.

I would love to hear what spiritual practices work for you. Please share them with us.

In peace and gratitude,
Coach Carolyn

“People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a résumé than to craft a spirit. But a résumé is cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely …” ~ Anna Quindlen

In our daily lives, we are more hurried and busier than ever. Since the age of technology, life was to be more simpler and with more ease. Instead the opposite is the fact. Because of this hurried existence, we fail to take time to just sit and be. But I have found more and more people, women especially, not knowing what they are passionate about, not knowing what their purpose is, thus giving them no inner peace.

I have patterned my life in such a rhythm that without a certain amount of self-care, I cannot function properly. One of the self-care tools I utilize constantly is listening. Listening to the Divine, listening to others, and listening to self. Without this tool, I could not do what I do. To coach and counsel, one has to be in tuned with the whisperings of the Spirit and self -- in order to listen to others.

Listening is not a passive act you do while waiting for your turn to speak. Listening is a skill and an art; sadly a lost art. Deep and active listening involves not just the ears, but the entire body, including the heart. When you have truly listened to someone, you can feel it. You are drained but energized at the same time.

But harder than listening to someone else, is being still and listening to what out own inner voice has to say. To take the time and sit in stillness is absolute torture to some people. But start with just ten minutes. Use commute time, or waiting in a line time. These are opportunities for listening. Don't just stand and complain, create an A-Z gratitude list while you are waiting. Ask yourself a question about something that you are dealing with in your life. Call to mind an old friend that you haven't seen or heard from in a while. Send them a silent blessing.

Listening is also a wonderful time to minister to those far-away loved ones. Send silent blessings and warm thoughts -- then follow up with a hand written thinking of you note card. You'd be amazed what comes up inside when you take the time to just be still.

Sitting still has helped me create my workshops, writings, lectures, and classes. My inner child knows what she wants to play and she lets me know it too. Get in touch with your inner child. Let him or her out for an hour a day and listen to what wonders he or she wants to share with you.

In peace and stillness,
Coach Carolyn

Okay, I just had to share this. I pulled my three Grace Cards this morning:

Vision: Pay attention.
Perception: See the past as part of our spiritual evolution.

And guess what else?

Peace: When we balance silence and activity, we discover true peace of mind.

You think someone's trying to tell me something?

And believe me, I do shuffle the deck.

In the school of living life on purpose, lessons unlearned will be repeated. You never flunk out. You just get to take the test over again. So don't worry over not getting it absolutely perfect. Just land somewhere in the ballpark and grace will find you.

Live passionately,
Coach Carolyn

For those women who have attended any of my groups, know that I begin every session with Cheryl Richardson's Grace Cards. Grace cards are a deck of 50 beautifully illustrated cards with a simple self-care message on each. I use the cards at the start of all of my group sessions as a centering, a prayer, and an ice-breaker. It gets everyone to share and tell a little bit about themselves so that everyone in the room knows them too.

I have shared here and in my groups, that I am going through a transitional period right now. I am facing some definite unknowns and there is a level of fear. I will choose to do the next right thing, and do it afraid. I love the saying, "And this too shall pass." I know that intellectually, but it's still right now, and hasn't passed yet!

Every morning as part of my morning ritual, I pull 3 Grace Cards to see what the Divine has to say to me. Sometimes they are just reminders to stop and take a breath. I can forget this, especially in the throws of transition. The Grace Cards have a way of bringing me back to what is authentic. So, what cards "found" me this morning?

Silence: Be still.
Awaken: Keep your eyes open.
Peace: When we balance silence and activity, we discover true peace of mind -- the source of all joy and happiness.

Of course, I began to cry. So, what's the message?

And this too shall pass -- if you would just be still, staying aware and alert, true peace will come.

And so it is.

Coach Carolyn