All About Women | Women

“Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.” ~ Shirley Maclaine

The one insidious thing about fear is that it steals your true identity.

When you are in a state of fear, you do not think, behave or speak as you would when you are not afraid. You become a lesser version of yourself. Your authentic self becomes buried beneath the fear and cowering. This, in turn, has the ripple effect. Your are not your real self to people who would become friends. You show up as the lesser you. So if you are wondering why your relationships are not what they ought, think about how you are “being.”

Are you being fearful?

Because if you are, then you need to know that fear will not allow you to have healthy, long-lasting relationships. Your relationships may last long, but I can bet you they are not healthy and filled with peaceful exchanges. They are not nutritious. Look at your relationships – familial, work, social and otherwise. How would you diagnose them? Healthy or sick?

Remember, you are the common denominator of those relationships; so if they are not healthy, guess what?

"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." ~ Bertrand Russell

Coach Carolyn

Don't let fear steal your identity or ruin your relationships. Join the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program today and take back your identity.

“You can never become a great man or woman until you have overcome anxiety, worry, and fear. It is impossible for an anxious person, a worried one, or a fearful one to perceive truth; all things are distorted and thrown out of their proper relations by such mental states, and those who are in them cannot read the thoughts of God.” ~ Wallace D. Wattles

We live in a world of wonderful connections and relationships. Yet, there is something that looms within those connections and relationships that keep us stuck, keep us struggling, keep us broke, and keep us falling into habit patterns that simply do not serve. That something is fear. As Wattles says in The Science of Getting Rich, when we are fearful we cannot perceive truth or properly connect with God or one another.

I have read that most relationships end because of lack of communication. I believe the underlying agent is fear. Why can't we communicate properly? We are afraid of what the other might think.... We are afraid of being rejected.... We are afraid of being hurt.... We are afraid of looking stupid.... And on and on and on it goes. Why are we so afraid? Beliefs, habits and paradigms that do not serve us.

Then we get into another relationship that looks exactly like the one we just got out of or even more toxic. The cycle continues. It is time to get off of the merry-go-round of fear and anxiety. Life is meant to be about ease and flow, not effort and fear. Unfortunately, I see more of the latter than the former. I can see it very clearly because I used to be smack dab in the center of it. I was afraid of everything. Growing up in violence, fear was the name of the game. So, I learned to disappear and it served me well - too well, I may add.

I finally made the decision to get off the fear merry-go-round. But it was not easy. It still is not easy; but because I made the decision, I did it. I had to get in alignment with what the universe had in store for me. Today, I have the tools in my toolkit to release the fears that hold me back and keep me stuck, and transcend the fears that are working for my highest good.

If you too are ready to release limiting beliefs and fears that keep you stuck, then join the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program. Stop letting your fears keep you from the connections and relationships you were destined to have.

Here's to transcending your fears!
Coach Carolyn

"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." ~ Albert Einstein

Napoleon Hills said, “Fear is faith in reverse gear. Fear is a negative belief in something, and belief is the very foundation of faith. Faith is a positive mental attitude in action. Your mental attitude is the sum total of your thoughts at any given time.”

When we were children, we had no problem activating our wonderful gift of imagination. We could imagine anything. I remember when my family would purchase a large household item, like a new television or a washing machine. I was enthralled with the big box that it came in. That box became my fort, my playhouse, my spaceship, my doll house, you name it. And I had no shortage of ideas for what to use that box for. Unfortunately, we were talked out of using that magnificent gift. We had to grow up, be realistic, and get our heads out of the clouds.

But I have some amazing news for you. You still have that gift – yes, it is still a part of you, and you have the ability to activate it anytime you choose. And you want to know something else? You do activate it, quite frequently. The difference is instead of imagining what you do want, you imagine what you do not want, and thus creating a reality that mirrors your imagination. Instead of focusing on your dreams and intentions, you give excessive amounts of attention to your fears and worries. And guess what shows up in your life? You bet! More of your fears and worries.

Just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

“What am I giving most of my attention to right now?” Especially if you are not feeling well emotionally.

Remember, your thoughts precede your feelings; so if you are not feeling okay, then check in with what you are thinking about. You have the ability to choose a different thought; one that is more pleasant; thus making you feel better. Be proactive with your thoughts and your imagination. Use them to create the life you desire.

Here’s to dreaming in color!
Coach Carolyn

Later this week, I will be launching my brand new program, Transcending Fear Mentoring Program. It will be an online mentoring program designed to move you from a place of fear and struggle to a place of faith and flow.

"It's not what you do once in a while; it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference." ~ Jenny Craig

"The minute you choose to do what you really want to do it's a different kind of life." ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

You know that when you do something once, there is no more fear, right? So, just do it!

I have found for myself that when fear begins to paralyze me, it simply means that my mind-body is protecting me from something new and unknown. But once I take the plunge, the fear disappears. I think there is a problem when you don’t feel the fear when facing something new.

So, just for today, face your fear – STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

“What is it you are here to protect me from? Tell your fear that you will keep you all safe and this shift will be good for you. Then, BREATHE again!

"Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action." ~ David J. Schwartz

“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Are you really living life? Or are you operating in default? Are you living your life on autopilot?

Unfortunately, most of us will die with our music still within us. The cemetery is full of unlived dreams and untapped potential. We do not live out our dreams because we have more faith in our fears than in our dreams. We need to step out in faith and do it afraid. Don Miguel’s fourth agreement is “Always Do Your Best.” When you live out your dreams and passions, you will do what comes straight from your heart, and you will do it the best you can. When you live out your passions, you never have to think about whether or not you are doing your best – you just are.

Notice when you are doing something that lights you up, there is no fear present. There is just your passion and your authentic being. Simply do your best and your fears will take a hike!

Coach Carolyn

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." ~ Alan Cohen

One of the things that fear does is it causes the “fight or flight” reaction. I call it a reaction and not a response because there is no time to really discern which you are going to do – you just react! You quickly assess whether you are strong enough to fight, or not strong enough so you run away.

Now this is a brilliant reaction to have when you are facing physical or emotional danger. But if it is a perceived fear or a false fear, then you must assess differently. And sometimes it is best to just take a chance, do the thing you are afraid of and transcend the fear. Unless you conquer the fear, it will continue to conquer you.

When facing a fear, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

“What’s the worse thing that could happen in this situation?”

Usually the worse thing never happens. Like author and humorist Mark Twain once quipped, “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened!”

So just for today, take a chance and do it afraid.

Grace Card:
Chance: Take the leap. Divine protection is always by our side.

Coach Carolyn

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." ~ Richard Bach

Anger and fear are two of our most powerful teachers. Yet, we have been conditioned to derail those two teachers whenever they show up to present a new and exciting lesson. We must welcome the teachers, the lessons, the gifts and the blessings. They come to do their job, and then they leave. We have placed our cosmic orders; we have somehow made it known what our wishes, dreams, and desires are. And because we do not hold the dream or desire in the highest feeling of joy and love, we create massive confusion and we get what we absolutely do not want. And while this confusion is going on, one or both of those powerful teachers show up to protect us and help us along. And what do we do? We shun them, ignore them, deny them, medicate them, numb them, suppress them, and attempt to play dumb. That is not going to work. Guess what? Those powerful teachers were sent to you to do their job because they love you and by golly, they are going to do it ~ with or without you. So, you had better sit up straight in your chair and learn the lesson.

All of the events that show up in your life, including the ones you do not want, are there because you have drawn them there. What are you going to do with them? Learn the lesson, and let them go.

"The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears." ~ James Allen

Receive your lessons and your blessings!
Coach Carolyn

Here is a wonderful article by my sister blogger, the rockin' ipopin Kirsten Harrell. Kirsten hangs out at Think Positive!

When fear creeps up, tune into one or all of these. I am a personal student of meditation and meridien tapping. Enjoy!

Everyone feels fear at some point in his or her life. Fear is a natural and useful emotion. Feeling afraid to pick up a poisonous spider, walk down a dark deserted alley in a high crime area, or walk across a busy highway keeps us safe. However, many people suffer from unnecessary and sometimes irrational fears. This type of fear can keep you from achieving your goals and enjoying life - especially if you have many fears. Some common fears include, spiders, snakes, terrorism, public speaking, dogs, and heights. If you are struggling with fears and you want to learn how to conquer them, I suggest 3 different paths you can try.

The western way – A tried and true approach to reduce and eliminate fears is to use the process known as systematic desensitization. This involves repeated and graduated exposure to the feared stimulus paired with relaxation techniques (deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, etc.). For example, if you are afraid of heights you might start by viewing a video taken from on top of a tall building and practice your relaxation techniques until you feel comfortable viewing this video. Once you can look at the video without any fear, you might try going to the top floor of a small building and looking out the window while practicing your relaxation techniques. Continue with these graduated steps paired with your relaxation techniques until you can go to the top of a tall building and feel comfortable. If you have intense fears, you will probably want to seek the support of a therapist to help you use this process.

The eastern way - Meditation can help you reduce your fear response. Scientific research has shown that meditation can change the brain and help reduce fear, anxiety, anger, and depression. Dr. Richard Davidson (University of Wisconsin) found that meditating helps increase activity in the left pre-frontal cortex (part of brain associated with happiness and positivity) and quiet activity in the amygdala and right pre-frontal cortex (parts associated with fear). Regular meditation can also help you connect with your inner resources that help you to feel more calm and confident. To start a meditation practice, I suggest that you start small – try for a few minutes each day and work your way to a length of time that works for you. Remember that meditation is NOT about stopping the brain from thinking! That is what the brain does by nature – it thinks. The key to meditation is to be aware of these thoughts (and they will come) and then bring your awareness back to the present moment.

East meets West - Tap, tap, tap your fears away with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). There is evidence to support this new technique that involves acupressure combined with mental activities to reduce fear quickly and easily. EFT, a particular type of energy psychology, is showing great promise as a quick and efficient method to conquer fears. EFT involves simple stimulation of certain acupressure points in order to reprogram the energy system to have a new reaction to old fearful thoughts and stimuli. Tapping acupressure points while focusing on a fearful memory seems to deactivate areas of the brain that are involved in fear and pain. EFT is something you can learn from a book, the EFT website, or a practitioner and then practice on your own anytime you need it.

If fear is interfering with your life, there is hope. You don't have to simply put up with a life full of fear. Any of the above techniques can help you conquer your fear and move forward with your life feeling more calm, cool, and confident.


~*~*~*~
Coach Carolyn

In The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, Principle #15 is Experience Your Fear and Take Action Anyway. He writes,

“Some people will do anything to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of fear. If you are one of those people, you run an even bigger risk of never getting what you want in life. Most of the good stuff requires taking a risk. And the nature of a risk is that it doesn’t always work out….” (pg 115)

We have heard the acronym for fear as False Evidence Appearing Real. Well Jack calls them Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. Either way, we tend to fear what we have yet to experience. Instead of using our brilliant imaginations to fantasize about what might happen, why not use them to fantasize about what we desire. This will create a higher and more peaceful vibration within your mind, body and spirit.

“I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” ~ Rosa Parks

When you STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK yourself the BE/DO/HAVE questions, and really sit with the questions until the answers appear, fear will cease to have a grip on you.

Who are you?
What do you want?
What are you here to do?

Journal these questions every week until you are ready to receive the answers. Then watch fear dissipate from your day-to-day living.

"We can't fear the past. Fear is a future thing. And since the future’s all in our heads, fear must be a head thing." ~ Tom Payne

It helps to understand that fear is usually a projection into the future. We typically fear what might happen rather than what is happening now.

Author Susan Jeffers notes that 90% of what we fear usually does not materialize. So replace your images of disaster on the TV screen in your mind with awareness of what is really happening. And don’t allow your thinking to change channels.

"I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me." ~ Erica Jong

Brought to you by Higher Awareness.

Fear lives in the future; remain in the present moment ~ it's the only moment you really have!

Coach Carolyn

“Normal fear protects us; abnormal fear paralyzes us. Normal fear motivates us to improve our individual and collective welfare; abnormal fear constantly poisons and distorts our inner lives. Our problem is not to be rid of fear but, rather to harness and master it.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sage advice from a man who must have had an intimate yet healthy relationship with fear. Death threats, house bombings, and beatings would have anyone in a state of normal fear. Yet, fear did not stop or paralyze Dr. King. He did it afraid.

When you live in your purpose, being authentic and doing what you are passionate about, fear can come, but will only motivate you to press forward.

Tiger Woods said that if he does not feel fear when he steps onto the green, he will not play. Healthy fear motivates; creating that sense of excitement that will lead you to live out your authentic self and your purposeful life.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Coach Carolyn