All About Women | Women

In Chapter Five of A New Earth, we explore how negative emotions and old memories – if not faced and seen for what they are in the moment – become fuel for the pain-body.

"It may be shocking when you realize for the first time that there is something within you (the pain-body) that periodically seeks emotional negativity, seeks unhappiness. You need even more awareness to see it in yourself than to recognize it in another person" (p. 145).

One of the things I have tried very hard to eliminate from my life is negativity. Negativity is nothing but toxic energy. This toxic energy can come in the form of toxic people, or energy vampires whose only job is to suck and drain the life out of you; or toxic situations. When I find myself in one of these toxic environments, be it with people or circumstances, if I cannot turn the situation around, then I merely excuse myself and remove myself.

If someone offered you a bottle of poison to drink, would you? Yet, you deliberately ingest someone else’s negativity or toxicity. This is the same as ingesting poison. The next time you are in the presence of a toxic person or an energy vampire, remember the bottle of poison analogy, and don’t allow their toxins to enter into your soul.

A negative emotion is any "emotion that is toxic to the body and interferes with its balance and harmonious functioning. Fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy—all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on" (p. 136).

Then, there are those of us who do not need the negative people or situations, because we can be negative all by ourselves. We manufacture our own negative thoughts and continuously feed on them. The bottle of poison is still appropriate here, yet we are self-inflicting the poison. We have very little control of what thoughts enter our heads. But we have definite control of what thoughts remain there.

The next time you notice that you are in the grip of a negative emotion, become still and pay attention to the way your body feels. See if you can locate the negative emotion in your body. Perhaps your heart is beating fast, your jaw is tense or your belly is tight. By being present with your body, you can allow the negative emotion to dissipate instead of reacting to it.

"You will be free to let go of your unhappiness the moment you recognize it as unintelligent. Negativity is not intelligent" (p.112).

This week, pay close attention to negative thoughts, feelings or actions and any background unhappiness, including resentment, discontent, nervousness or being "fed up." Become alert to your negativity and repeat silently: "At this moment, I am creating suffering for myself."

Questions to Ponder:
“Who are the toxic people in my life?”
“Who are the nutritious people in my life?”
“Who do I choose to spend more time with?”

Stay positive on purpose!

This week’s webclass focused on the many roles we play. I know that when I question clients and workshop participants about who they are, they list their roles and titles. We have become so attached to the many roles we play in a lifetime. Yet, who are we when those roles are no longer valid? This is part of the retirement or downsizing crisis – the job is gone and so is the title or role; and our identities were wrapped up in those roles. The roles, the job has become our sense of self.

"What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play. When you play roles you are unconscious. When you catch yourself playing a role, that recognition creates a space between you and the role" (p. 90).

“So people who are out of touch with the power within or the place where all power resides, the aliveness itself, consciousness itself, then they feel a sense of lack. Why are they not in touch with it? Because they are not present. They are not in the present moment because the present moment is that entry point into that place of power within. If you are not present you don't realize that there is a source of power within and then you feel that you need to get secondary power from someone or some situation or other people. Then the ego plays roles to manipulate the environment and other people to get what it thinks it needs not realizing that all the thing it thinks will give it the power that it seems to lack, all that is already within you, if you could only be present in the now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle, from “A New Earth” WebClass

Common roles people play, especially women, include working woman, stay-at-home mom, female seductress, nonconformist artist, cultured intellectual, world traveler, etc. You also assign roles to others and then treat them accordingly. (How you speak to the janitor may be different from how you speak to the chairman of the company.)

~What roles do you play at work, home, or in the world?
~What roles do you assign to others?

My question to you is who would you be without those roles?

It is not too late to join in the conversation and create a new earth. Go to Oprah.com and join the webclass. If you have not read the book, you can still join in the class. At Oprah.com there are resources to help you in remembering who you really are, letting go of your ego identity and creating a new earth.

Also, if you are new to the webclass, you can access the archive of the previous classes -- on video, audio, or written transcripts.

Next week: The Pain-Body!

We are spiritual beings having human experiences!

As we continue through A New Earth, we look at some key points to Chapter Three and the core of the ego.

"Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you."

“What we react to in another we strengthen in ourselves. One of the things the ego needs to survive is reacting against other people. What you react to in another you strengthen in yourself…”

“What we react to most strongly in others and what we most strongly condemn in others is usually something that we also have, a trait that we also have but that we are unconscious of in ourselves. So when we, for example, become upset if we encounter somebody who is very greedy, or we could become upset about somebody who is dishonest, no matter who, the force of your reaction usually tells you that something in you that you need to look at.”

Question: Who in your life do you consider an enemy? What lessons and blessings have you to learn from that person?

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen and what you resist persists.”

“Complaining is one of the egos favorite strategies for strengthening itself. Every complaint is a little story the mind makes up that you completely believe in… Some egos that haven’t got much else to identify with, they can survive on complaining alone. So the continuously you are condemning other people, you’re continuously criticizing, condemning or judging negatively situations that you’re in, your surroundings, other people.”

Question: Who would you be if you did not complain? How would your life be different?

It is not too late to register for the Webclass at Oprah.com. Just sign up and join in the conversation. You can also revisit past episodes in audio or video. Take part in creating a spiritual shift in consciousness across the globe.

Hopefully you have had the chance to watch, listen to, or read the transcript of Class Two/Chapter Two of the A New Earth Webclass. In Chapter Two, Eckhart talks about the ego; but Oprah and Eckhart began the webclass with a moment of silence. Silence is something that many of us are not comfortable with. Just stopping and listening to our own breath – this can cause some people to go nuts! We must be wired and attached to something – mobile phones, blackberries, iPods (unless you are listening to A New Earth Podcast).

One of the things that the ego does not align with is silence; because as Eckhart says, it is taking attention away from the thinking mind which feeds the ego. I have said that stopping is a spiritual action – taking the time to just be.

Being aware of your surroundings is also difficult for some of us. How many times have I had to grab someone who was about to get run over by a car because she was so engrossed in her phone conversation or her blackberry messages?

So, if we cannot be still and silent or aware of our present moment, then how do we manage to have engaging relationships? Do we really know who we are relating to? Are we really aware of what we are eating during our lunch breaks? Or do we talk on the phone while shoveling food into our mouths? Especially here in New York, I see this all the time.

What would it be like if we just went out to a park and sat? No mobile or wireless devices, no distractions, just be? I do this at least once a week – my artist date. After having that time with myself, then I can think, analyze or create.

My challenge to you is to set aside some time in the next few days to just be. Go to a park or some other quiet place where you can have no distractions. Just notice your surroundings. Notice the sounds, the smells; take it all in and then let it go. Don’t label it, don’t judge it. Just be with it.

Share with us what the experience was like. Was it difficult to just be? Were you itching to react to the vibrating mobile device in your pocket? Could you turn it and everything else off for the time?

Stay in the moment,
Coach Carolyn

The Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup Ladies got together last Sunday to discuss A New Earth. There was lots of discussion, even from those who has not yet read the book. That is exciting!

One of the things we discussed was Eckhart’s starting question: “What does life want from me?” A few of the women had been asking the question the other way round, of course – what do I want out of life? Yet, Eckhart says that this is the more profound question. When asked in this way, we can let go and relax a bit more, trusting that the Divine will show up with just what we need to do in this life.

For myself, I know that my mission is to equip, empower and encourage women to live lives of inner peace, passion, purpose and prosperity. What I don’t know is how that will play out from day to day – and that is the exciting part. I trust that the Divine will lead me exactly where I need to be at exactly the right time to fulfill my mission. And this changes from day to day. (the Divine knows that I have a very short attention span!)

So if you are struggling through life, perhaps it is because you are not allowing the Divine to guide you to where you need to be, but you are trying to fit into a space that has not been made to fit you. When I feel that I am struggling, I know that I am also not trusting enough. Not that I won’t take any actions; believe me, there is always something to do. When I can take time to stop and listen to what is going on inside of me, then I can hear the inner promptings and know what I am to do next.

Are you allowing the Divine to guide your life, or are you afraid to give up the control and let go? What comes up for you when you ask, “What does life want from me?”

Live in the moment and awaken…
Coach Carolyn

Okay, by now I hope everyone has had a chance to either view or listen to the first class of the Oprah and Tolle A New Earth Series. You can go to Oprah.com to listen or download the class.

One of the things we talk a lot about here at Becoming a Woman of Purpose is our thinking; that is, our limiting beliefs that contribute to the thoughts we have – what Tolle calls the voice in the head or our conditioned thinking. These thoughts were conditioned by our past, our childhood, our upbringing and by the culture we were raised in. all of those things contributed to the condition of our thought processes. When the awakened process begins, a lot of the old voices in the head, the old thoughts still come up.

For myself, the old voices constantly came up, especially in situations where I had to do something new and different. Now, as I begin to awaken, though the conditioned thinking still comes up, I have techniques to keep them in check and keep myself from being controlled by them.

How have you managed your conditioned thoughts – the inner critic or the voice of doom?

Please share your AHA Moments here and help your fellow sister (or brother) on the journey. You can also join the online discussion board at Oprah.com.

Keep flowering,
Coach Carolyn

One of my favorite movies is The Holiday starring Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black. I use this movie to illustrate important points relating to living life on purpose. Hey, whatever works, right?

Well anyway… Jack Black’s character Miles is a hoot, as you can imagine. He’s my favorite. Gotta love him! Miles and Kate Winslet’s character Iris, are out having a bite. No, not of each other! Stay with me, now. So, when Miles reaches for the soy sauce, his hand accidentally brushes against Iris’ boob. And he announces to those within earshot, “Accidental boob graze!” I’m laughing as I write this.

Well, when I first met the lovely Ann Handley of Annarchy (you have to say that very loud with a booming voice: A N N A R C H Y! Makes a difference, huh?) last summer here in the Bigger Apple, we were having our picture taken and whoops! Accidental boob graze! Well we howled! Now, she doesn’t know I’m telling you this story. But being that you are my dearest friends, I feel I must since she has tagged or memed me.

Like Ann, I don’t do memes very well. I always forget to do something. But, I will give it another try.

Four Secrets About Me

1. I love movies from the 30’s and 40’s. Someone once told me I should have been born then. But then I couldn’t blog because blogs didn’t exist. Duh!

My favorite of that era is The Women. But the only purpose those women had was to stab other women in the back! I have evolved.

Yes, The Holiday is from this century. I can be flexible when the occasion calls for it!

2. I am an HSP – a highly sensitive person. So I can’t do violent and scary movies, loud noises, crowds, and airport security. Traumatic! And I live in New York City. Go figure!

3. My first job out of college was on a telephone complaint hotline – for the city. Okay, so now you know!

4. I had no intention of reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. But Oprah said I should. Okay, she said everybody should.

Now, none of these are really secrets. They are just well hidden, highly covert, in your face facts. Living in New York isn’t nearly as traumatic as these memes are. So, Lady Ann, my boob graze sister, here’s to you!

Oh yeah, this is the part I forget – who do I get to mess with next! Actually, this is the fun part. I am rubbing my hands with a decidedly sinister look on my face. But it’s wasted cuz well, you can't see me. Damn!

Well, I cannot allow this sinister look to go to waste, so here goes! My Mogulette sister, Carmina Perez; my Positivity sister, Kirsten Harrell; my Beautiful Chaotic sister, April Groves; my Café sister, Towanda Long.

Hey, I am a woman of purpose, so I have a lot of sisters!

Have a boob graze... on purpose!
Coach Carolyn

A landmark interactive spiritual event is on the horizon. Starting Monday, March 3rd at 8pm CST, Oprah Winfrey and best-selling author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle will team up to teach a live weekly Web Event centered around “A New Earth,” Oprah’s latest book club selection. This revolutionary Web Event is being hailed as “the biggest classroom ever,” and is free to join.

The Becoming a Woman of Purpose community has been invited to participate in this event. We are one of over 50 different communities – websites, blogs, groups – involved.

Already being heavily discussed on Oprah.com, the Oprah Show, and news networks, this event is creating major buzz around the world. because the book’s main theme “awakening to your life’s purpose,” is central to our discussions, we believe this 10-week transcendent Web Event is bound to inspire activity and discussions within all of our BWP communities.

AHA! Moments
Each week, the course will cover one of the ten chapters in the book. There is already a dynamic discussion on Oprah.com around the AHA! Moment in each chapter.

The AHA! Moment is the flashpoint where the topic of each chapter hits home. This will be a great topic of discussion within the BWP communities.

Author of the #1 New York Times’ Best Seller “The Power of Now,” spiritual teacher and speaker Eckhart Tolle, who teaches heavily on the transformation of consciousness, has devoted his life to helping others find inner peace and greater fulfillment in their lives.

About the Book
Building on the astonishing success of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle presents readers with an honest look at the current state of humanity: He implores us to see and accept that this state, which is based on an erroneous identification with the egoic mind, is one of dangerous insanity.

Tolle tells us there is good news, however. There is an alternative to this potentially dire situation. Humanity now, perhaps more than in any previous time, has an opportunity to create a new, saner, more loving world. This will involve a radical inner leap from the current egoic consciousness to an entirely new one.

In illuminating the nature of this shift in consciousness, Tolle describes in detail how our current ego-based state of consciousness operates. Then gently, and in very practical terms, he leads us into this new consciousness. We will come to experience who we truly are—which is something infinitely greater than anything we currently think we are—and learn to live and breathe freely. ~ From Amazon.com

Already over 380,000 have registered, so don’t miss out on the web event of the year. If you are serious about awakening to your life’s purpose, then join in this revolutionary event.

BWP Communities
Becoming a Woman of Purpose Blog (You are here!)
Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup Discussion
Becoming a Woman of Purpose Facebook Group

Awaken to your power!
Coach Carolyn