All About Women | Women

“People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a résumé than to craft a spirit. But a résumé is cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely …” ~ Anna Quindlen

In Chapter Five of A New Earth, we explore how negative emotions and old memories – if not faced and seen for what they are in the moment – become fuel for the pain-body.

"It may be shocking when you realize for the first time that there is something within you (the pain-body) that periodically seeks emotional negativity, seeks unhappiness. You need even more awareness to see it in yourself than to recognize it in another person" (p. 145).

One of the things I have tried very hard to eliminate from my life is negativity. Negativity is nothing but toxic energy. This toxic energy can come in the form of toxic people, or energy vampires whose only job is to suck and drain the life out of you; or toxic situations. When I find myself in one of these toxic environments, be it with people or circumstances, if I cannot turn the situation around, then I merely excuse myself and remove myself.

If someone offered you a bottle of poison to drink, would you? Yet, you deliberately ingest someone else’s negativity or toxicity. This is the same as ingesting poison. The next time you are in the presence of a toxic person or an energy vampire, remember the bottle of poison analogy, and don’t allow their toxins to enter into your soul.

A negative emotion is any "emotion that is toxic to the body and interferes with its balance and harmonious functioning. Fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy—all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on" (p. 136).

Then, there are those of us who do not need the negative people or situations, because we can be negative all by ourselves. We manufacture our own negative thoughts and continuously feed on them. The bottle of poison is still appropriate here, yet we are self-inflicting the poison. We have very little control of what thoughts enter our heads. But we have definite control of what thoughts remain there.

The next time you notice that you are in the grip of a negative emotion, become still and pay attention to the way your body feels. See if you can locate the negative emotion in your body. Perhaps your heart is beating fast, your jaw is tense or your belly is tight. By being present with your body, you can allow the negative emotion to dissipate instead of reacting to it.

"You will be free to let go of your unhappiness the moment you recognize it as unintelligent. Negativity is not intelligent" (p.112).

This week, pay close attention to negative thoughts, feelings or actions and any background unhappiness, including resentment, discontent, nervousness or being "fed up." Become alert to your negativity and repeat silently: "At this moment, I am creating suffering for myself."

Questions to Ponder:
“Who are the toxic people in my life?”
“Who are the nutritious people in my life?”
“Who do I choose to spend more time with?”

Stay positive on purpose!

"Breathing in I calm my body. Breathing out I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment!" ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

This month, I conducted a 3-part discussion series called Blocks to Living with Passion for the Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup. The three gatherings were focused on overcoming fear, limiting beliefs, and negativity.

What amazes me the most is that women have this burning need and desire to talk about these kinds of issues but really have no safe space to do that. Yes, we have our bestest girlfriends, but how long can we talk about the same issues that seem to grip us and won't let go? After awhile, even our dearest friends don't want to hear it anymore. We are countered with the old "Aren't you over that by now?" routine. So we sulk in silence.

These discussions brought up everything from fear of losing control to unresolved grief and loss. The tissues came in handy. I have been conducting groups for about twelve years now, and it never ceases to amaze me the dynamics of the groups. Women come in looking for answers, or at least help to resolve something that they are dealing with. They leave being a loving support for another woman, in turn, helping themselves.

Some of the women bonded, forming connections of support and encouragement. They shared emails and resources. But the loveliest, at least for me, is they all shared their stories and their hearts with total strangers.

Joining a group can be very scary. You don't know who the others are and you don't know what will be expected of you. If you are not a public speaker, then it can be even more daunting. But half the battle is showing up, which takes tremendous courage. Once you show up, you come to realize that everyone is there for a similar reason -- overcoming something that is limiting your life.

I am very proud of the women that showed up for these discussions. They not only showed up, but they shared their hearts, their stories and their vulnerabilities. They opened themselves up to and for other women.

The best lesson I received was knowing that there are women who are in need of the opportunity for sharing and releasing the toxins in their lives, and that I can provide that safe and sacred space for them. Not just the venue, but the atmosphere, the support, and the validation.

What an honor! Thanks to all the women who just show up!

Wishing you passion and peace,
Coach Carolyn

In August at the Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup, I will be facilitating a 3-part discussion series called Blocks to Living with Passion. They will take place on three consecutive Saturday afternoons and we will discuss three things that hinder living a life of passion and purpose.

This month's Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup gathering focused on discovering our passions. The women were amazing, as usual. In addition to passion and purpose, we talked about negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and staying focused on our goals. Nothing discourages passion faster than negativity and fears. As women, we have the tendency to beat ourselves up because we feel we are not doing or being something we think we should do and be. But I tell all women that when you beat yourself up, please use a feather.

One of the women, Sherri, shared a wonderful tip that I just had to pass on to all the Purposeful Divas. She said to create a "Self Care Menu." Like a regular menu in a restaurant, put items on that are about caring and pampering oneself. Because, as Nina shared, when we are in that yucky space, we cannot think clearly, so having this is on hand is a great way to take care of oneself. And Sherri says make it pretty, so be creative.

So what kind of items can go on your menu?

• A day at a spa
• A walk on the beach
• Reading a chapter of a favorite novel
• Taking a bubble bath
• Listening to favorite music
• A manicure/pedicure
• Seeing a movie -- alone or with a friend

The list is endless. And the list is yours. Place items in your menu that you are passionate about. When you create those passion moments, more moments will gravitate towards you. Like begets like. Passion begets more passion.

Also, one of my all time favorite things is a gratitude journal. Every evening, I write down three to five things that I am grateful for that day. I end my day on a positive note and I keep the negativity away. We tend to beat ourselves up at the end of the day about the things we should have done or should have said. Stop shoulding all over yourself!

Learn to practice random acts of self care. Create that menu and start that gratitude journal. Learn to take the time to listen to your inner child. What is she telling you? What is she asking you for? Would you deny her?

Taking time out to discover your passion creates a life of purpose and peace. And if you have lots of things that you are passionate about, do a little sifting. The wheat will separate from the chaff. Your true passion will remain when all others have faded away.

So I am off to create my menu. I am so excited about that! Thank you, Sherri for a fabulous creative tip. And thanks to all the women who shared their hearts, passions and light today.