All About Women | Women

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

I love this quote because this can be applied to all of the areas of our lives. Everything that we repeatedly do, we become masters at. This includes the constructive as well as the destructive behaviors and habits. When we repeatedly do things of excellence, then we become excellent people. Yet, when we repeatedly talk negatively about ourselves and others, this also becomes our reality.

It is said that it takes 21 days to break a habit. I personally don’t believe in breaking habits. I believe in replacing a destructive behavior with a positive, more constructive one. For example, if I am prone to speaking negatively about myself when I have made a mistake, instead of trying to refrain from saying anything negative, I can try a visualization exercise where I imagine the outcome I would have liked. I don’t beat myself up, I just imagine. And if I choose to beat myself up, I will use a feather.

As Aristotle says, excellence is not an act, but a habit. Perhaps we have been beating ourselves up for the last twenty years. It will take time to reverse the habit and replace it with a new behavior. The trick is not to give up when we fall short of the mark. We tend to give up way too easily. This is why diets fail to work. We try one diet, then if it doesn’t work within the first three weeks, we think well, it just doesn’t work. So we move on to another, then another, then another.

Imagine your inner child. She is learning to walk. She will stand up, take a few steps, and then fall. She will do this over and over and over again. Yet, you don’t condemn her, stop her progress or yell at her because she isn’t doing it perfectly. You allow the process. You allow the chance to make the mistakes because only in this will she learn. And you allow the learning and growing. It is a process. It is not about perfection. Life is not about perfection. Life is about the journey, not the destination. During the journey, there will be bumps, bruises, stumbles and falls.

Take the time to stop. Stopping is a spiritual action. When we take the time to stop, we can make the proper decisions. We have this incredible power, it is the power to choose. We can choose to take the next right action. We can choose excellence, if we will repeatedly do excellent things. Or, we can choose negativity by focusing on the negative.

The power is ours. The choice is ours. Choose wisely.

I tell this story to all of my workshop and lecture audiences because it speaks so much about life and purpose. And being part Cherokee, it speaks even louder.

A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."

"One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance."

"The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep vision."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said. Then he finally cried out; "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee simply replied, "The one that you feed."

So, which wolf are you feeding?

Wishing you peace,
Coach Carolyn

One of the things that came up at our May Becoming a Woman of Purpose meetup was the thief of perfectionism. Why do I call it a thief? Well, simply because it steals from you. It steals your joy, your passion, your creativity, your inner child, and the list can go on. All these elements lead to living life on purpose.

Defining the term perfectionism, I quote our trusty Wikipedia: The persistence of will in obtaining the optimal present and future quality of spiritual, mental, physical, and material being.

Whew! What a mouthful! Okay, that means I am obsessed with producing the best outcome in all I do. And sometimes even the best is not good enough! Perfectionism is about being in control and not trusting in the process or the Divine.

My response to perfectionism is to take the action and let go of the result. This is not going to happen overnight -- just as cultivating the habit of perfectionism did not happen overnight. It takes time and re-conditioning. But you are a woman of purpose, so you are worth the time and effort. You devote your time and energy to other things, why not devote some of that to yourself, especially if you want back your joy, your peace, your passion, and your creativity.

Don't try to break an existing habit; but replace it with a new healthy habit. Remember, it's about which wolf you are willing to keep feeding. When you stop feeding a habit, like anything, it will die. So stop feeding the habit of perfectionism and watch it starve to death!

Until next time, here's to healthy wolves,
Coach Carolyn