Don’t you just hate those days when your sweetheart turns into an over - emotional monster. Her mood swings leave you confused and wondering, what have you done to deserve this?
Well, the fact that you are reading this shows that either, you really care for your girl or her PMS has driven you round the bend and you need desperate help and guidance. Either ways, reading this will not only leave you wiser and more knowledgeable but once you get the hang of dealing with the monster you will have the cutting edge of understanding girls which the less fortunate guys will not have. This is one thing if you master and understand or even reach a position wherein you can empathise with a girl you will automatically have a higher level of respect in her eyes for you. [Provided you use the information you gain only when it’s required and not use this as a topic of entertainment and gossip]
They ideally should have taught this in school. Anyways - Better late than never.
Let’s begin with the basics:
Facing the facts:
What & When?
PMS: Pre Menstrual Syndrome is the name of a group of symptoms that start one to two weeks before her period. These symptoms usually go away soon after her period starts.
Characteristics
Over 150 symptoms have been attributed to PMS After complaints of feeling "out-of-control", anxious, depressed and having uncontrollable crying spells, the most common complaints are headache and fatigue. But symptoms may vary from month to month and there may even be symptom-free months.
Characteristically symptoms may be both physical and emotional. They may include physical symptoms as headache, migraine, fluid retention, fatigue, constipation, painful joints, backache, abdominal cramping, heart palpitations and weight gain. Emotional and behavioral changes may include anxiety, depression, irritability, panic attacks, tension, lack of co-ordination, decreased work or social performance and altered libido.
Originally described in 1931 by an American neurologist, the grouping of symptoms has remained the same:
A- Anxiety: irritable, crying without reason, verbally and sometimes physically abuse, feeling "out of control", or Dr. Jekyll – Mr. Hyde behavior changes.
D- Depression: confused, clumsy, forgetful, withdrawn, fearful, paranoid, suicidal thoughts and rarely suicidal actions.
C- Cravings: food cravings, usually for sweets or chocolate; diary products including cheese, an on occasion, alcohol or food in general.
H- Heaviness or Headache: Fluid retention leading to headache, breast tenderness, abdominal bloating and weight gain.
WHY?
No one knows for sure. All women have changes in their hormone levels during their menstrual cycle. The female hormone estrogen starts to rise after menstruation and peaks around mid-cycle (ovulation). It then rapidly drops only to slowly rise and then fall again in the time before menstruation. These changes in turn trigger changes in chemical messengers (also known as neurotransmitters) in the brain which affects their mood, emotions, sleep, appetite and thinking. Estrogen holds fluid and with increasing estrogen comes fluid retention: many women report weight gains of five pounds premenstrually. Estrogen also contributes to retention of salt and a drop in blood sugar.
SYMPTOMS:
The Physical Aspect of things:
PMS affects girls in many different ways, and a girl won't act or feel the same every single time, either. Some months, she'll breeze through it without a care (and rejoice in the fact, as soon as she realizes that she didn't have any PMS this time).
Other months, it'll fall on her like a ton of bricks. She'll drag around, feeling fat and miserable and oily and pimply and ugly as hell. Don't get too annoyed about that, because girls really do retain water, and even if you can't see the difference, she can. Worse, she can feel it: a body puffier than the day before. Sometimes it's like waking up in the wrong body; nothing fits right, her body doesn't move like it normally does, and all she’ll do is fidget and slump and want to hide underneath four really baggy layers of clothing. Plus, the hormones cause some pretty crazy break-outs, so her skin feels awkward and greasy and just plain yucky. And that's just the physical part.
The Emotional Side of it:
There are the mood swings. Unpredictable, unnecessary, evil, exhausting mood swings. Some girls get really weepy, some get really short-tempered, and others experience a delightful combination of the two. One of my friends cried because it was raining. But, girls can't help it. I am sure that even you must have witnessed this kind of an emotional outburst. The littlest things can set off another crying jag, or the smallest, most unnoticeable slight can cause a girl to sit around bawling, convinced she's useless, worthless, and not going anywhere in life.
It is normal for men who do not understand some things about their better halves to usually be unsympathetic and unwilling to even listen about it even though she is the one that have to deal with it.
Don't assume that these emotions are induced a specific time of the month that means she does not really feel the way she is feeling. If she's mad at you, guess what? She really is mad at you. It's not like she is delusional. She knows what she’s thinking, and belittling her or dismissing her concerns that she brings up during the dark hours of the lunar cycle will only throw you farther into the dog house. If she is crying, guess what? She’s really sad, and she will do drastic things when she is empowered by estrogen and whatever other pheromones are pumping through her blood.
So is there anything you, as a guy can do? Yes!!
Surprising, I know. Especially because you sit there thinking, "But when she's like that, I can barely do anything right. Making her feel better is inconceivable!"
Well, it's simpler than it looks. The most important thing to remember is that your girlfriend is probably more sensitive at this time than she usually is. Not that you need to walk on eggshells, but make sure you're a little more on the lookout for the kinds of comments that might make her feel bad or the random moments when you might inadvertently blow her off or ignore her.
A little extra effort goes a long way. Think about it this way: isn't it easier to spend 10 or 15 minutes making your girlfriend feel better than to spend three days avoiding her at all costs and fighting a lot? The reality is that she's going to have PMS whether she wants to or not, but neither of you has to be miserable. So, why not try and help out?
Also, keep in mind that since PMS is kind of like super-advanced stress, the following ideas can be used to make a stressed out girl feel better too.
Tools to help
1. Use a calendar - a little knowledge of the biological workings of PMS can go a long way. Most women run between a 28 to 32 day menstrual cycle, which means they go through "that time of the month," literally every month. If we figure that a month averages 30 days. Most women are cyclical. This means that once they are on a specific cycle, barring undue stresses or physical problems in her life, she’ll be “regular." This means you can usually figure out when PMS will strike and when it won't. So, keep a calendar handy and mark down the days she has her period (PMS happens before the first day of a woman's period). After a few months, you should be able to pinpoint what her cycle is.
2. Be understanding - since PMS happens anywhere from 2 to 14 days prior to a woman's first period day, this is where life for a guy can be most difficult if she exhibits typical symptoms of PMS like irritability, anxiety, being overly emotional, depression, headaches, anger, and insomnia. Be aware that you shouldn't take what happens during this time too personally.
3. Pamper, pamper, Pamper - pamper your woman during the PMS time. She'll appreciate you more if you can be supportive. Give her lots of love and hugs. Sometimes the best is to just hug and not say a word.
4. Be aware - once you've figured out the cycle, you then have a better idea of when a better time to bring up different subjects may be. If she has exhibited signs of being overly emotional during you may want to hold off on seeing a sad movie or perhaps not visiting your parents who may not be quite as supportive of your relationship as you'd like them to be.
5. Be prepared - don't be surprised if the she asks you the unanswerable question, "do you think I look fat?" This is instant death for any guy who has been asked this question. If you say NO, she'll really not believe you, and if you say YES, you are obviously in deep doo-doo. You'll have to decide what the lesser of the two evils will be. I don't recommend ignoring the woman though - so you may want to say "no" but follow it up with lots of hugs and compliments to reassure her that she is the most beautiful woman in your life (and MEAN IT!)
6. Communicate - be open and able to talk about PMS. There are medications and homeopathic remedies that can quell some of the PMS symptoms or even get rid of them all together. Let the woman know that you are aware of her cycle and that you are not treating PMS as a taboo subject. She'll feel good knowing that you've taken the time to understand her better and this should help to breed even better communications for you as a couple.
Join in the Emotional fight against PMS (and stress)!
1. Ask her if you can do anything
I'm sure most of you know this, and in fact do this, so you're probably thinking, "I'm not stupid. Of course I ask. She just bites my head off anyway." Well, think about how you ask her, the tone of your voice and the words you choose. Are you gentle? Do you let her know that if she wants you to go away, it's perfectly fine to say so, and that you'll just leave her alone until she feels better? But don’t literally leave her alone feeling miserable about herself just quietly be there.
Sometimes, a girl doesn't know what she wants, and that's a problem. She feels like no one loves her and everyone's out to get her. But rather than get annoyed with her tell her honestly, if she needs anything, whether it's a big hug, a shoulder rub, a chocolate or a big tub of ice cream, you'll be there for her. Just knowing that you're aware of what's going on, that you really do care, and you'll go out of your way to do something nice will probably make her feel better. Or, the knowledge that if she wants to be alone you can go off and fend for yourself will make it a lot easier for her to let you know what she needs.
2. Chocolate, tea, and magazines in bed
Chocolate, as we all know, can improve people's moods. I never believed the whole “chocolate-craving-while-PMSing “in the beginning, but then it happened to me. Not every time, and not in huge quantities, but I've definitely had the craving. Sometimes it's for anything sweet, and sometimes it's specifically for chocolate. It can provide a bit of temporary relief. And no, it doesn't make sense for a girl to say "I'm fat and bloated" and "I want some chocolate" in the span of five minutes, but this is PMS we're dealing with.
3. Making sense is not the point.
Sometimes, when a girl's feeling all crabby and dumpy and lame, all she wants to do is go home, crawl under the covers, and read stupid girl magazines which require about four ounces of brain power to read (even though those stupid girl magazines sometimes make her feel worse about herself because everyone just looks so thin. Have another bonbon, sweetheart). Plus, a cup of tea is really comforting and warm.
A lovely thing would be to come home from work and find a nicely made bed with her favorite chocolate or sweet lying on the pillow, next to two or three favorite magazines she hasn't read yet. When she gets home, if you're there, tell her to put her pajamas on and get under the covers with her treats as a cup of tea will be in shortly. Bring her the tea, give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her she's beautiful. Tell her that if she needs anything else, you're in the next room. If you have to leave before she gets there, leave her a little note that says, "Hey baby, just thought you'd like to crawl under the covers and forget about stuff for a few minutes. Ignore the phone when it rings, except at 9 when I call to say good night. Oh and there's a cup of tea waiting to be made in the kitchen."
And don't forget to call at 9.
3. A hot bath
If you've never tried relaxing in a nice hot bath, you should. After all, hot tubs aren't girly, so why should hot baths be? Girls, of course, have long known the powers of the hot bath and appreciate time in the tub. So go find your local "stinky store." You know the one. Every time you walk by, the scent of a thousand candles and soaps assaults you and drives you away (unless your girlfriend drags you in, at which point your sinuses explode and you can't smell anything for the next three hours). It's time to be brave. Go in one of those stores and put on your best "I'm lost but cute" face. Tell the salesperson you really want
to buy something to make your girlfriend feel better, because she's very stressed and tearful and you just need to do something. Guaranteed you will have all the help you can handle, and everyone will love you and think you're a saint.
Make sure you get a few nice candles and some bath oil (maybe some nice lotion with the same scent) or bubble bath. Don't get anything too overpowering (migraine headaches are common around PMS time), and make sure it's something that smells good to you. After all, it's going to be all over your girl's skin, so you better enjoy it too. Meet your girlfriend at her house, put the goods in the bathroom, and direct her to draw a hot bath, using the stuff you bought. While she's getting ready, bring her a cup of tea, a glass of water, and find out if she wants a book or some music. Then instruct her to not leave the bathtub until she's fully soaked. Let her know that all phone calls and potential interruptions will be fielded by you until she's ready to emerge. Then shut the door. When she comes out, all soft and warm and relaxed, chances are she'll hug you and fall face down onto her bed. Hey, a happy sleeping girlfriend is better than a wide-awake bitchy one, right?
Things We DON'T Recommend You Say to a Woman with PMS
• Why are you overreacting?
• Aw, c'mon-that PMS stuff is all in your head!
• Hey, what happened to that big bag of chips we had?
• Surprise! I invited the boss and his wife over for dinner tonight.
• Hey, those jeans used to be real loose on you, didn't they?
• I told my mother she could come live with us, okay?
• Tell her that she has got a pimple on her face
• Tell her how worn down she is looking
Don't make the mistake of blaming the PMS...Face it…it’s a FACT…NOT Hallucination.
Well, the fact that you are reading this shows that either, you really care for your girl or her PMS has driven you round the bend and you need desperate help and guidance. Either ways, reading this will not only leave you wiser and more knowledgeable but once you get the hang of dealing with the monster you will have the cutting edge of understanding girls which the less fortunate guys will not have. This is one thing if you master and understand or even reach a position wherein you can empathise with a girl you will automatically have a higher level of respect in her eyes for you. [Provided you use the information you gain only when it’s required and not use this as a topic of entertainment and gossip]
They ideally should have taught this in school. Anyways - Better late than never.
Let’s begin with the basics:
Facing the facts:
What & When?
PMS: Pre Menstrual Syndrome is the name of a group of symptoms that start one to two weeks before her period. These symptoms usually go away soon after her period starts.
Characteristics
Over 150 symptoms have been attributed to PMS After complaints of feeling "out-of-control", anxious, depressed and having uncontrollable crying spells, the most common complaints are headache and fatigue. But symptoms may vary from month to month and there may even be symptom-free months.
Characteristically symptoms may be both physical and emotional. They may include physical symptoms as headache, migraine, fluid retention, fatigue, constipation, painful joints, backache, abdominal cramping, heart palpitations and weight gain. Emotional and behavioral changes may include anxiety, depression, irritability, panic attacks, tension, lack of co-ordination, decreased work or social performance and altered libido.
Originally described in 1931 by an American neurologist, the grouping of symptoms has remained the same:
A- Anxiety: irritable, crying without reason, verbally and sometimes physically abuse, feeling "out of control", or Dr. Jekyll – Mr. Hyde behavior changes.
D- Depression: confused, clumsy, forgetful, withdrawn, fearful, paranoid, suicidal thoughts and rarely suicidal actions.
C- Cravings: food cravings, usually for sweets or chocolate; diary products including cheese, an on occasion, alcohol or food in general.
H- Heaviness or Headache: Fluid retention leading to headache, breast tenderness, abdominal bloating and weight gain.
WHY?
No one knows for sure. All women have changes in their hormone levels during their menstrual cycle. The female hormone estrogen starts to rise after menstruation and peaks around mid-cycle (ovulation). It then rapidly drops only to slowly rise and then fall again in the time before menstruation. These changes in turn trigger changes in chemical messengers (also known as neurotransmitters) in the brain which affects their mood, emotions, sleep, appetite and thinking. Estrogen holds fluid and with increasing estrogen comes fluid retention: many women report weight gains of five pounds premenstrually. Estrogen also contributes to retention of salt and a drop in blood sugar.
SYMPTOMS:
The Physical Aspect of things:
PMS affects girls in many different ways, and a girl won't act or feel the same every single time, either. Some months, she'll breeze through it without a care (and rejoice in the fact, as soon as she realizes that she didn't have any PMS this time).
Other months, it'll fall on her like a ton of bricks. She'll drag around, feeling fat and miserable and oily and pimply and ugly as hell. Don't get too annoyed about that, because girls really do retain water, and even if you can't see the difference, she can. Worse, she can feel it: a body puffier than the day before. Sometimes it's like waking up in the wrong body; nothing fits right, her body doesn't move like it normally does, and all she’ll do is fidget and slump and want to hide underneath four really baggy layers of clothing. Plus, the hormones cause some pretty crazy break-outs, so her skin feels awkward and greasy and just plain yucky. And that's just the physical part.
The Emotional Side of it:
There are the mood swings. Unpredictable, unnecessary, evil, exhausting mood swings. Some girls get really weepy, some get really short-tempered, and others experience a delightful combination of the two. One of my friends cried because it was raining. But, girls can't help it. I am sure that even you must have witnessed this kind of an emotional outburst. The littlest things can set off another crying jag, or the smallest, most unnoticeable slight can cause a girl to sit around bawling, convinced she's useless, worthless, and not going anywhere in life.
It is normal for men who do not understand some things about their better halves to usually be unsympathetic and unwilling to even listen about it even though she is the one that have to deal with it.
Don't assume that these emotions are induced a specific time of the month that means she does not really feel the way she is feeling. If she's mad at you, guess what? She really is mad at you. It's not like she is delusional. She knows what she’s thinking, and belittling her or dismissing her concerns that she brings up during the dark hours of the lunar cycle will only throw you farther into the dog house. If she is crying, guess what? She’s really sad, and she will do drastic things when she is empowered by estrogen and whatever other pheromones are pumping through her blood.
So is there anything you, as a guy can do? Yes!!
Surprising, I know. Especially because you sit there thinking, "But when she's like that, I can barely do anything right. Making her feel better is inconceivable!"
Well, it's simpler than it looks. The most important thing to remember is that your girlfriend is probably more sensitive at this time than she usually is. Not that you need to walk on eggshells, but make sure you're a little more on the lookout for the kinds of comments that might make her feel bad or the random moments when you might inadvertently blow her off or ignore her.
A little extra effort goes a long way. Think about it this way: isn't it easier to spend 10 or 15 minutes making your girlfriend feel better than to spend three days avoiding her at all costs and fighting a lot? The reality is that she's going to have PMS whether she wants to or not, but neither of you has to be miserable. So, why not try and help out?
Also, keep in mind that since PMS is kind of like super-advanced stress, the following ideas can be used to make a stressed out girl feel better too.
Tools to help
1. Use a calendar - a little knowledge of the biological workings of PMS can go a long way. Most women run between a 28 to 32 day menstrual cycle, which means they go through "that time of the month," literally every month. If we figure that a month averages 30 days. Most women are cyclical. This means that once they are on a specific cycle, barring undue stresses or physical problems in her life, she’ll be “regular." This means you can usually figure out when PMS will strike and when it won't. So, keep a calendar handy and mark down the days she has her period (PMS happens before the first day of a woman's period). After a few months, you should be able to pinpoint what her cycle is.
2. Be understanding - since PMS happens anywhere from 2 to 14 days prior to a woman's first period day, this is where life for a guy can be most difficult if she exhibits typical symptoms of PMS like irritability, anxiety, being overly emotional, depression, headaches, anger, and insomnia. Be aware that you shouldn't take what happens during this time too personally.
3. Pamper, pamper, Pamper - pamper your woman during the PMS time. She'll appreciate you more if you can be supportive. Give her lots of love and hugs. Sometimes the best is to just hug and not say a word.
4. Be aware - once you've figured out the cycle, you then have a better idea of when a better time to bring up different subjects may be. If she has exhibited signs of being overly emotional during you may want to hold off on seeing a sad movie or perhaps not visiting your parents who may not be quite as supportive of your relationship as you'd like them to be.
5. Be prepared - don't be surprised if the she asks you the unanswerable question, "do you think I look fat?" This is instant death for any guy who has been asked this question. If you say NO, she'll really not believe you, and if you say YES, you are obviously in deep doo-doo. You'll have to decide what the lesser of the two evils will be. I don't recommend ignoring the woman though - so you may want to say "no" but follow it up with lots of hugs and compliments to reassure her that she is the most beautiful woman in your life (and MEAN IT!)
6. Communicate - be open and able to talk about PMS. There are medications and homeopathic remedies that can quell some of the PMS symptoms or even get rid of them all together. Let the woman know that you are aware of her cycle and that you are not treating PMS as a taboo subject. She'll feel good knowing that you've taken the time to understand her better and this should help to breed even better communications for you as a couple.
Join in the Emotional fight against PMS (and stress)!
1. Ask her if you can do anything
I'm sure most of you know this, and in fact do this, so you're probably thinking, "I'm not stupid. Of course I ask. She just bites my head off anyway." Well, think about how you ask her, the tone of your voice and the words you choose. Are you gentle? Do you let her know that if she wants you to go away, it's perfectly fine to say so, and that you'll just leave her alone until she feels better? But don’t literally leave her alone feeling miserable about herself just quietly be there.
Sometimes, a girl doesn't know what she wants, and that's a problem. She feels like no one loves her and everyone's out to get her. But rather than get annoyed with her tell her honestly, if she needs anything, whether it's a big hug, a shoulder rub, a chocolate or a big tub of ice cream, you'll be there for her. Just knowing that you're aware of what's going on, that you really do care, and you'll go out of your way to do something nice will probably make her feel better. Or, the knowledge that if she wants to be alone you can go off and fend for yourself will make it a lot easier for her to let you know what she needs.
2. Chocolate, tea, and magazines in bed
Chocolate, as we all know, can improve people's moods. I never believed the whole “chocolate-craving-while-PMSing “in the beginning, but then it happened to me. Not every time, and not in huge quantities, but I've definitely had the craving. Sometimes it's for anything sweet, and sometimes it's specifically for chocolate. It can provide a bit of temporary relief. And no, it doesn't make sense for a girl to say "I'm fat and bloated" and "I want some chocolate" in the span of five minutes, but this is PMS we're dealing with.
3. Making sense is not the point.
Sometimes, when a girl's feeling all crabby and dumpy and lame, all she wants to do is go home, crawl under the covers, and read stupid girl magazines which require about four ounces of brain power to read (even though those stupid girl magazines sometimes make her feel worse about herself because everyone just looks so thin. Have another bonbon, sweetheart). Plus, a cup of tea is really comforting and warm.
A lovely thing would be to come home from work and find a nicely made bed with her favorite chocolate or sweet lying on the pillow, next to two or three favorite magazines she hasn't read yet. When she gets home, if you're there, tell her to put her pajamas on and get under the covers with her treats as a cup of tea will be in shortly. Bring her the tea, give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her she's beautiful. Tell her that if she needs anything else, you're in the next room. If you have to leave before she gets there, leave her a little note that says, "Hey baby, just thought you'd like to crawl under the covers and forget about stuff for a few minutes. Ignore the phone when it rings, except at 9 when I call to say good night. Oh and there's a cup of tea waiting to be made in the kitchen."
And don't forget to call at 9.
3. A hot bath
If you've never tried relaxing in a nice hot bath, you should. After all, hot tubs aren't girly, so why should hot baths be? Girls, of course, have long known the powers of the hot bath and appreciate time in the tub. So go find your local "stinky store." You know the one. Every time you walk by, the scent of a thousand candles and soaps assaults you and drives you away (unless your girlfriend drags you in, at which point your sinuses explode and you can't smell anything for the next three hours). It's time to be brave. Go in one of those stores and put on your best "I'm lost but cute" face. Tell the salesperson you really want
to buy something to make your girlfriend feel better, because she's very stressed and tearful and you just need to do something. Guaranteed you will have all the help you can handle, and everyone will love you and think you're a saint.
Make sure you get a few nice candles and some bath oil (maybe some nice lotion with the same scent) or bubble bath. Don't get anything too overpowering (migraine headaches are common around PMS time), and make sure it's something that smells good to you. After all, it's going to be all over your girl's skin, so you better enjoy it too. Meet your girlfriend at her house, put the goods in the bathroom, and direct her to draw a hot bath, using the stuff you bought. While she's getting ready, bring her a cup of tea, a glass of water, and find out if she wants a book or some music. Then instruct her to not leave the bathtub until she's fully soaked. Let her know that all phone calls and potential interruptions will be fielded by you until she's ready to emerge. Then shut the door. When she comes out, all soft and warm and relaxed, chances are she'll hug you and fall face down onto her bed. Hey, a happy sleeping girlfriend is better than a wide-awake bitchy one, right?
Things We DON'T Recommend You Say to a Woman with PMS
• Why are you overreacting?
• Aw, c'mon-that PMS stuff is all in your head!
• Hey, what happened to that big bag of chips we had?
• Surprise! I invited the boss and his wife over for dinner tonight.
• Hey, those jeans used to be real loose on you, didn't they?
• I told my mother she could come live with us, okay?
• Tell her that she has got a pimple on her face
• Tell her how worn down she is looking
Don't make the mistake of blaming the PMS...Face it…it’s a FACT…NOT Hallucination.
By: treasuredbrook@yahoo.com
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