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The Fifth Agreement: Be Skeptical, But Learn To Listen.

“When everybody tells you that you are being idealistic or impractical, consider the possibility that everybody could be wrong about what is right for you.” ~ Gilbert Kaplan

This speaks directly to the fourth agreement: Always Do Your Best

I believe that we all strive to do the best that we know how to do and be the best that we can be. It would never serve you or anyone to wake up in the morning and say, “Now how can I absolutely screw up and be the worst me I can be!”

I may not know you personally, but I can guess you don’t say this. Especially if you are reading this blog, I can guess that you strive to be your bestest. Never settle for less than your best.

You are a child of the Divine – be that!

Coach Carolyn

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. ~ The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This is my favorite agreement… this week! I have begin the process of creating new online businesses and I said to myself that I will simply do the best that I can. We make agreements all the time – with others and with ourselves. More often than not, we do not honor the agreements we make to ourselves. We would feel mortified if we broke an agreement or an appointment with someone else. Yet, we feel it is okay to break agreements and appointments with ourselves. Are we not as important? We send the message that we are not.

Another agreement I made with myself is to be consistent with my spiritual practices and daily routines that will get me closer to my desires and intentions. If I am not consistent, then I will get what I have always gotten – nothing! I truly see and even feel the difference in being consistent. I have been consistent in doing those things that have created the habits I don’t want. Now it’s time to replace those non-serving habits with nutritious habits that will serve me and bring me closer to my intentions and dreams.

I love that Don Miguel states your best will change from moment to moment, because we all change and shift as well and our best must shift with us. But whatever shifts we are going through, always do your best.

Just for today, do your best!
Coach Carolyn

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The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

I used to joke that the only exercise I ever got was jumping to conclusions! And man, was I good at it!

When you don’t ask specific questions, then you have to assume your own answers and this, more often than not, leads to trouble. Why do we tend not to ask a simple question, yet would rather stew in our own misery of assumptions and bad guesses?

Just for today, don’t assume. You know what you get when you assume? Uh-huh!

STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK a question.

Coach Carolyn

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In a recent class I am teaching, we were discussing our emotions and in particular, anger. One of the students mentioned that it is so hard not to get angry when someone says or does something to offend us. I quickly mentioned Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements. Surprising, many of them had never heard of the book. Although, this should come as no surprise, considering how people show up in the world – totally offended, feeling betrayed, being hurt, getting slighted in some way.

Now, I am not negating that these can all be very hurtful experiences, but you cannot allow that to rule your life.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Remember, nothing anyone else does is about you; it is a reflection of their own drama. If you choose to make it about you, then on some level you are agreeing with their assumptions. And yes, that is a choice. We live in a very narcissistic society where we think everything is about us. Well, it’s not! The only things that are about us, are the things we sign up for. So, if we sign up for someone else’s drama and negative behavior, then it becomes our drama and negativity.

I choose to write my own story and leave the drama on the cutting room floor! When I want drama, I am creative enough to come up with some drama that will serve me – like getting knocked to the ground by Richard Armitage! Hell, I have gotten knocked to the ground before, it wasn’t fun and I was sore for days after. I did laugh about it after. But had that been Richard Armitage, well! I can come up with a least a dozen different scenarios about how that would have ended up! He he!

So, just for today, stop taking everything so personally – even if it has your name on it!
Coach Carolyn

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“Every choice has consequences, and a dream master is aware of the consequences. Making a choice can open many doors, and close many other doors. Not making a choice is also a choice that we can make. By making choices, we can master the art of dreaming and create the most beautiful life.” ~ From The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz

Remember, not making a choice is also a choice. You have the awesome power to make choices. Make conscious and deliberate choices. Take your time about making important choices; choices that will effect your life. It is okay to say to someone, “you know, that is an important question/request. I want to make the best decision, so I would like to take some time to pray about it.”

No one will tell you not to pray! And if they so, then that should give you a clue.

GRACE CARD: For every action there is a reaction. Choose wisely.

Coach Carolyn

Sometimes fear can stop you from making the best choices for your life. If fear is stopping you from living your best life, then sign up for my Transcending Fear Mentoring Program. It's a wise choice!

“Two thousand years ago, a great master said, ‘And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’…

Imagine living without fear, without judgment, without blame, without guilt, without shame. Imagine living your life without trying to please other people’s points of view, and not even your own point of view according to your own book of law. Imagine how different your life would be in you lived with gratitude, love, loyalty, and justice, beginning with yourself. Just imagine the union between you and your body if you were completely loyal to your body, if you were completely grateful for your body, if you treated your body with justice. Imagine being yourself, and not trying to convince anybody of anything. Imagine that just by being yourself, you are happy, and that wherever you go, heaven is going with you, because you are heaven. Imagine living with this kind of freedom. Yes, the truth will set you free, but first you need to see the truth.”
~ From The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz

Just imagine...
Coach Carolyn

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“All humans are artists, all of us. Every symbol, every word, is a little piece of art. From my point of view, and thanks to our programming, our greatest masterpiece of art is the use of a language to create an entire virtual reality within our mind. The virtual reality we create could be a clear reflection of the truth, or it could be completely distorted. Either way, it’s art. Our creation could be our personal heaven, or it could be our personal hell. It doesn’t matter; it’s art. But what can we do with the awareness of what is truth and what is virtual is endless. The truth leads to self-mastery, to a life that’s very easy; our distortion of the truth often leads to needless conflict and human suffering. Awareness makes all the difference.” ~ From The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz

So, what kind of art are you creating? Well, take a look at your life; your inner life and your outer life. This is your own personal heaven or your personal hell. It's all about choice; and the choice is yours.

Which art are you choosing to create?
Coach Carolyn

If you want to check in with how you are living your agreements – STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

“Am I using my words to heal or to harm?”

“Does what I’m about to say need to be said?”

“Is silence a better option right now?”

The fourth of the Four Agreements states: "Always do your best."

“Who is dreaming the story of your life? You are. If you don't life your life, if you don’t like what you believe about yourself, you are the only one who can change it. It’s your world; it’s your dream. If you’re enjoying your dream, that’s wonderful; then continue to enjoy each and every moment. If your dream is a nightmare, if there’s drama and suffering, and you’re not enjoying your creation, then you can change it.” ~ From The Fifth Agreement

I continue to say that you are the leading lady in your life; and only you have the power of the pen to re-write the script of what is not serving you. Don Miguel and Don Jose speak of this in The Fifth Agreement.

If you don’t like something in your life, change it. Only you can.

Maya Angelou says it this way: “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.”

Well said. And enough said.

Here’s to all the leading ladies!
Coach Carolyn

"Other people's opinions of you do not have to become your reality." ~ Les Brown

“Imagine living a whole new way of life – a life where you are free to be who you really are. You no longer rule your life according to what other people may think about you. Imagine living your life without judging yourself or anyone else, without the fear of being judged. You accept yourself just the way you are, and you accept everybody else just the way they are.” ~ From the back inside flap

After reading, studying and teaching The Four Agreements for the past few years, Don Miguel Ruiz and his son, Don Jose decided to share the Fifth Agreement with us. As an avid student of Don Miguel and the Toltec teaching, I was excited to dive into this new material. Thanks to my BWP sister, Lisa, for the gift of this book.

I have heard it said that we are messengers who have forgotten the message. We were sent here to deliver a message, to share something special, something unique. The message is us; and we have forgotten that message. We have forgotten who we really are.

The Fifth Agreement is be skeptical, but learn to listen. Since we have been conditioned, most of what we hear is not the truth. The truth is within each one of us, but we have forgotten what that truth is. We must learn to listen, but recognize that what we hear is only a piece of the truth, someone else’s truth; and may not be true for us at all.

In the Fifth Agreement, the Ruiz’ take us on a journey of the first four agreements as a refresher course. Then we are introduced to this next agreement. Don Miguel said that he tried teaching this agreement to his apprentices but they just were not ready to hear it, therefore unable to hear. Don Jose then took the message and presented it in a way that was ready for its hearers. It is definitely time for this message.

If we can just make the Five Agreements our way of life, then soon we will be living our personal dream of heaven.

As we begin a brand new year, time to make new agreements with yourself. I can think of no better agreements to start with than The Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz.

Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Think about what agreements you are making with yourself; and the agreements you make with those in your inner circle.

How many times did you take something personally today? How many times did you hear something and whether it did or not, you attached your name to it?

Well, forgive yourself, let it go, and move on. Stop taking things personally. Nothing is about you… except you.

Enough said.

"Once you become aware of what stands in your way and become willing to release it, you signal the universe that you are ready to manifest the life you were meant to live." ~ Chérie Carter-Scott

“Let’s imagine again that we have a skin disease with wounds that are infected. When we want to heal the skin, and we go to a doctor, the doctor is going to use a scalpel to open the wounds. Then the doctor is going to clean the wounds, apply medicine, and keep the wounds clean until they heal and no longer hurt us.

“To heal the emotional body, we are going to do the same thing. We need to open the wounds and clean the wounds, use some medicine, and keep the wounds clean until they are healed. How are we going to open the wounds? We are going to use the truth as a scalpel to open the wounds. Two thousand years ago, one of the greatest Masters told us, ‘And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

“The truth is like a scalpel because it is painful to open our wounds and uncover all of the lies. The wounds in our emotional body are covered by the denial system, the system of lies we have created to protect those wounds. When we look at our wounds with eyes of truth, we can finally heal these wounds.

“You begin by practicing the truth with yourself. When you are truthful with yourself, you start to see everything as it is, not the way you want to see it.”

~ From The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

It is difficult to make any decision from a place of emotional woundedness. We must open the wounds, clean the wounds, allow them to heal, then we can make our decisions from a place of emotional purity.

Just for today, at least decide to open one of your emotional wounds. This will lead you to a place of inner healing and greater decision making.

“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Are you really living life? Or are you operating in default? Are you living your life on autopilot?

Unfortunately, most of us will die with our music still within us. The cemetery is full of unlived dreams and untapped potential. We do not live out our dreams because we have more faith in our fears than in our dreams. We need to step out in faith and do it afraid. Don Miguel’s fourth agreement is “Always Do Your Best.” When you live out your dreams and passions, you will do what comes straight from your heart, and you will do it the best you can. When you live out your passions, you never have to think about whether or not you are doing your best – you just are.

Notice when you are doing something that lights you up, there is no fear present. There is just your passion and your authentic being. Simply do your best and your fears will take a hike!

Coach Carolyn