In a recent class I am teaching, we were discussing our emotions and in particular, anger. One of the students mentioned that it is so hard not to get angry when someone says or does something to offend us. I quickly mentioned Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements. Surprising, many of them had never heard of the book. Although, this should come as no surprise, considering how people show up in the world – totally offended, feeling betrayed, being hurt, getting slighted in some way.
Now, I am not negating that these can all be very hurtful experiences, but you cannot allow that to rule your life.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Remember, nothing anyone else does is about you; it is a reflection of their own drama. If you choose to make it about you, then on some level you are agreeing with their assumptions. And yes, that is a choice. We live in a very narcissistic society where we think everything is about us. Well, it’s not! The only things that are about us, are the things we sign up for. So, if we sign up for someone else’s drama and negative behavior, then it becomes our drama and negativity.
I choose to write my own story and leave the drama on the cutting room floor! When I want drama, I am creative enough to come up with some drama that will serve me – like getting knocked to the ground by Richard Armitage! Hell, I have gotten knocked to the ground before, it wasn’t fun and I was sore for days after. I did laugh about it after. But had that been Richard Armitage, well! I can come up with a least a dozen different scenarios about how that would have ended up! He he!
So, just for today, stop taking everything so personally – even if it has your name on it!
Coach Carolyn
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Everything Is Not About You!
M.Y.O.B!
There is an oft quoted book title by Terry Cole-Whittaker called, What You Think of Me Is None of My Business. This is in keeping with the second agreement of Don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements, Don’t Take Anything Personally.
I remember my seventh grade Math teacher, Miss Lowe, telling one of the more nosy students, “Excuse me! M.Y.O.B.!” Everyone in the class laughed. I found it a profound statement then, as I do today, some thirty plus years later. Today it isn’t politically correct to tell someone to mind their own business, though we think it enough. Yet, when someone says something offensive to you, instead of having to tell them to mind their business, how about remembering it is just that ~ their business. What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.
The second agreement, Don’t Take Anything Personally can relieve you of lots of suffering because you can go through life not being offended by what other people say or think about you.
“Yes, but she hurt my feelings!” you counter.
And I counter back: No she didn’t. It is not her fault that something she says pushes one of your buttons. You have the button there to be pushed. Fix your buttons!
I once had a co-worker named Mara. I loved Mara. She was raw and straight to the point. She would say exactly what she thought, whether you asked or not. Then, guess what would happen? Yep, you guessed it. The person she directed her comment to would be offended. And I loved Mara’s comeback. You see, she would never come out and just apologize for her remark. She would say, “I am sorry that what I said hurt your feelings!” Mara understood that she could have said the exact same thing to another, and it would have absolutely no effect on them. But for some reason, it caused ranker in this person.
So, M.Y.O.B. Mind your own business and stop taking things so personally. You will find, life will get much sweeter!
Why Take Offense?
The second of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
