All About Women | Women

“Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.” ~ Shirley Maclaine

The one insidious thing about fear is that it steals your true identity.

When you are in a state of fear, you do not think, behave or speak as you would when you are not afraid. You become a lesser version of yourself. Your authentic self becomes buried beneath the fear and cowering. This, in turn, has the ripple effect. Your are not your real self to people who would become friends. You show up as the lesser you. So if you are wondering why your relationships are not what they ought, think about how you are “being.”

Are you being fearful?

Because if you are, then you need to know that fear will not allow you to have healthy, long-lasting relationships. Your relationships may last long, but I can bet you they are not healthy and filled with peaceful exchanges. They are not nutritious. Look at your relationships – familial, work, social and otherwise. How would you diagnose them? Healthy or sick?

Remember, you are the common denominator of those relationships; so if they are not healthy, guess what?

"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." ~ Bertrand Russell

Coach Carolyn

Don't let fear steal your identity or ruin your relationships. Join the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program today and take back your identity.

This past weekend we had another awesome BWP Meetup where 18 women came out on a rainy day to play, learn, and gain new awarenesses. From our topic of Live Your Best Life NOW, the issue of toxic or negative mothers came up. Well, go figure!

I just want to say a few words about this. One of the reasons we as adults are not getting on with Mother is because we are not comfortable with ourselves. If we don’t know who we are, we cannot live into that truth, hence, we have to defend ourselves against what everyone else expects of us, especially our mothers. Remember, of all our relationships, our mothers had the highest expectations of us, whether expressed or not. And when we hem and haw, go back and forth, it seems frustrating to mother, and mother will tell us so.

Go to your secret place and figure out what you truly want to be, do, and have. Stop planning to do it and just do it! Once you get real about what you want to be, do, and have, you will show up more authentic and people will resonate with your authentic self instead of your false self. You teach people how to treat you. If people are beating up on you, abusing you in someway, or treating you badly, then you have allowed this to happen and in essence, gave your consent to this type of behavior. STOP! TAKE A BREATH! and ASK…

“What is my part in this mistreatment from… mother, sibling, boss, co-worker, etc?”

And yes, you do have a part in this. If you are being mistreated on one area or with one specific relationship, then chances are there is more mistreatment in some other area of your life. Find the pattern and break the cycle. Treat yourself like a queen first. No one else will until you do first. No, I am not talking about lording it over people and acting like you are better than…. I am talking about knowing not just who you are, but whose you are. You are a daughter of the Infinite Goodness, the Divine Creator. Stop acting like the secondary character in your own life story. You are the leading lady. Show up, step up and step into your role.

When you can do this, you will be amazed that everyone in your life, including Mother, will fall into alignment with how you are being. BE who you were created to be and not some bad copy of someone else.

Here’s to living your authentic life!
Coach Carolyn

One of the classes I have begun teaching is called A Spirituality of Purpose. It is a mix of men and women and a very interesting mix, I must say. In listening to the introductions and why people are taking the course, I always find some common threads. When the discussions begin, I find that people want to find their purpose, they want to live a life of passion, but they just don’t want to work at making that possible. If passion and purpose could just fall into their laps, without them having to do too much, then they would be satisfied.

I find that folks want a neat little packaged answer with a carefully mapped out blueprint detailing exactly how to live and what to do. Well, I’m here to pop that little fantasy balloon and tell you that it just does not work that way. Most of the fun of living a life of purpose is in the discoveries that we continue to make. I wouldn’t like it if my life was handed to me on some platinum platter with all the answers to all the questions. Yet, this is exactly how some people live their lives. Their parents, their family members, their peers, their community, or society has imposed their life purpose on to them; and now they are following a script that was written by and for someone else.

The only person that can plan your life is you. Someone else can help finance it, but even then, there may be restrictions. Get in touch with your own authenticity – you have an authentic self, you know. When are you going to start finding out who that self is and start making her happy? Living a life of passion and purpose means living from center, your center, and honoring what is in your core. As women, we tend to take care of everyone around us, which is not a bad thing unless it is at the expense of taking care of ourselves. I always say that we cannot give away what we ourselves do not have. If our love tank is empty, how on earth do we expect to fill someone else’s?

Last week, I signed up for a women’s workshop called “Spark Your Fire.” I wanted to be at a workshop where I was being taken care of and not facilitating for a change. I went with no expectations, only wanting to connect with self and other women. Boy, did I connect with self! After the deep breathing exercises, which left me feeling as if I was melting into the floor, I felt the traumatized Carolyn and knew I needed to pamper her. Again, I am so about taking care of other women, that it is too easy to neglect my own self care. But I was so held and honored that evening; it was all about pampering me. I shared my feelings with one of the facilitators at the end, and she was so supportive and caring, hugging me and reminding me to honor my feelings.

All this to simply say, I honored myself and filled my love tank. To do the work I do with women, I must have a full tank, or I absolutely could not hold anyone sacredly or safely. I would be too toxic. And worse, I wouldn’t have the presence to shield other’s toxins. Pretty scary!

One way to live a life of passion and purpose is to choose to want to live a life of passion and purpose. If you want to and hold that intention, then it will begin to show up for you. If you do not, then you will get a whole lot of what you do not want. First begin by choosing to live a life of purpose. If you want to change your life, then you have to work at it. The Law of Attraction includes the Law of Action. Make the conscious intention, then take the necessary steps to create the space for it to start showing up for you.

“Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” ~ Helen Keller