As we say goodbye to 2009, take another personal inventory from author and teacher, Debbie Ford.

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It's so easy to make promises about the year ahead. You will follow your diet, be more financially responsible, be kinder to your spouse, spend more time at the gym...But, for most, the promises you make today will be empty dreams six months from now. So let's examine this. I would suggest this happens because real change doesn't occur when you just want something or wish for another reality. Real change happens when you feel genuinely inspired, turned on by possibility and unwilling to settle for anything less. It happens when you commit with all of yourself to a new way of life, to a new future. So how do you do this?

To feel inspired and lit up and to make room for optimism, enthusiasm, and lasting change, you must lighten your emotional load by addressing your past issues, your emotional blocks, your negative beliefs, your feelings of unworthiness and any infantile desires that drive you to repeatedly head off in a direction counter to your dreams. If you drop your commitments, it is not because you want to be seen as a quitter or a loser but because unconsciously you are more committed to an outdated self -- an old identity that feels comfortable and safe even though it might have stopped serving you years ago. Often, psychological laziness will have you switch your life over to autopilot and fall asleep at the wheel rather than stay awake to what will fulfill your heart's deepest desires and your soul's purpose.

On this eve of a new year, a very fertile time to look over your past and commit to a new future, you can ask these simple questions to unload some old baggage and steer your life in the direction of a brilliant and thrilling future -- the ride of your life.

1. What are your deepest desires for this new year?
2. What are you willing to give up to get them? What habits, limiting beliefs, unhealthy relationships or situations?
3. When did you become unwilling to do whatever it takes to have what you want?
4. What cravings or unmet needs will drive you away from your desired destination?
5. What structure of support will you need to ensure this new future?
6. Who could you count on to be your co-pilot to ensure that you will neither fall short of the runway nor overshoot your desired outcome? Who will help you stay awake?

If you wish to fly to new heights, begin by setting your sights on a destination you can reach and then create a flight plan, a map that will be your guide. And if at any time you don't feel like following your flight path, stop, take a deep breath, call forth your vision for your future, then pick up your phone, dial your co-pilot and ask them to remind you that veering off your route really isn't worth the pain of repeating the past. Veering off will only leave you in the same repetitive pattern of wanting, wishing, fantasizing, and then feeling intensely disappointed when you land at a destination other than the phenomenal future that awaits you.

So today, YOU have the power to choose the destination of your dreams, create a flight plan and stick to it. So gather your courage, your strength and your commitment and get onboard, making 2010 the most inspiring year of your life.
*******

"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."
~ Earl Nightingale

Happy New Year to you all!
Coach Carolyn

5:11 AM

The Mask of Tiger Woods

Posted by Doncrack |

This past week I have been deeply saddened by the events of golfer-extraordinaire Tiger Woods. Saddened because here is a person dealing with inner pain and turmoil and all we can do is blame, criticize and point fingers. I am reminded that there but for the grace of God.... It is not my place to judge or cast blame, I have my flaws as well. Yet, I pray that those around me would show a modicum of mercy if I fall from grace.

I read this article by author and teacher Debbie Ford and was so relieved that not everyone is in the crucifying mode. I felt compelled to share it here.
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Well, here we are in another media frenzy about our latest fallen angel - the one and only Tiger Woods. As yet another legend bites the dust by exposing his bad behavior, many of us are shocked and appalled while others are falling deeper into resignation about the imaginary faithful husband. And then for some others, there is a bit of glee. There are those who are just plain grateful that Tiger Woods isn't the superhuman that he has been made out to be. For some, Tiger's imperfections become a gigantic exhale of relief. Those who seek to find their happiness in the fantasy that one day they will become the perfect person can now see they are finally off the proverbial hook. As the women continue to come forward for their few minutes of fame and glory in this tabloid-frenzied society that would rather focus on the another person's flaws rather than do anything about their own, we are once again trapped in a conversation that judges another's behavior rather than working diligently to clean up our own. And even though we're in an era when most people don't have the time to focus on what's important to them, they do somehow find the time to focus on what will be meaningless in just a few days or months.

I could go on and on about why Tiger's behavior was predictable. If you take the time to read
Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy and study the masks of the human being, you will indeed understand why Tiger could not maintain his "I'm the proverbial Nice Guy Overachiever" act for his entire life. How could he or anyone continually push down all of his unmet needs and ordinary human impulses that are built into our everyday human wiring? Can you imagine being that good? Can you imagine having to win at everything, to perform perfectly every day for the rest of your life? How stressful it would be for a mere mortal to carry this burden.

So now Tiger joins the ranks of Bill Clinton, David Letterman and other infamous cheaters. Tiger will never be the same. Tiger's life as we have all known it before that fateful car crash is dead, something for the archives. And now a new life can emerge -- hopefully a life where he can live a more authentic expression, where he can experience more intimacy with his family, friends, and peers so that he doesn't have to seek false connections with women he hardly knows and surely can't trust. As most cheaters will admit, it's a quick fix, a temporary high, that they could have just as easily gotten from a shot of heroin or a couple of martinis mixed with the newest edition of Playboy. Hopefully, as Tiger gets over the shock of being exposed, he will find a safe guide to support him in going inside himself to find out who he really is and what he really wants now that he no longer has the right to don the mask of the Nice Guy Overachiever.

And it's not just Tiger's life that has changed. So has ours. Tiger has now shown all those who still believe in the prince on the white horse that the prince is flawed, imperfect, and human and that when the mask of our human persona gets too tight, when there is no more room to grow or breathe, it blows itself up so that it can recreate itself anew. We can no longer look at Tiger with the same awe of his divine perfection. Our jealousy can melt away. For all of us who are caught up in the Tiger drama, my hope is that we will take back all that we have projected on to him all these years. It is useful to remember the old Buddhist trick. Imagine Tiger standing in front of you and now point your finger out at him and say aloud "You are stupid" or "careless" or "an idiot" or "__________" – whatever quality you are seeing in him, fill in the blank. Now look down at your hand. One finger is pointing out at him. Where are the other three fingers pointing? That's right. Back at you. And as we were continually reminded by our friends growing up, "You spot it, you got it!"

Your Weekly Shadow Work

1. Find one of the places you've been projecting, positive or negative, on Tiger Woods. And take it back. Or if you have a projection on people who are reporting on Tiger Woods, take back one of those projections.
2. Look at where in your life you have displayed this quality – be honest.
3. Now how could you forgive yourself? See how you could love, embrace and have compassion for this part of you.


A very timely article from author and teacher Debbie Ford.

After coming back from the Celebrate Your Life conference in Phoenix, I am oh-so-very clear once again that in order to have a life we love, we must deal with our hurt, regrets, resentments and grudges. There is no better time to tackle these than right now given that the holidays and the new year are right around the corner. If you want to have a new year unlike your last one, these are what you've got to face.

In thinking of how I could best support you in taking this on, I decided to share with you two of my favorite paragraphs from my book
Why Good People Do Bad Things.

My favorite spiritual teacher Emmet Fox once said "Our resentments bind us to the person with a cord stronger than steel." Now, would you want to be bound by a cord stronger than steel to the person who has hurt you, betrayed you, lied to you or screwed you over? How stupid would that be? First they rip part of your heart out, and then you give them the rest of it! By clinging to your resentments, you rob yourself of your power, your peace of mind and your ability to create yourself anew. It makes no sense. And just in case you think you are actually hurting the person who wronged you by holding on to your grudges and resentments, let me clue you in. Most of them don't care if you are hurt and angry. It's no skin off their back. In fact, some of the people you are devoting your thoughts, feelings and precious energy to hating are now dead. So now not only do you not have access to all of your power, but you have buried it alive in someone else's grave. Crazy, right?

We hold on to our resentments only when we are still trying to prove that we are right and someone else is wrong. Maybe we're still struggling to change what happened in the past or trying to regain a sense of control over our present circumstances. Maybe we still love the person who hurt us, so we would rather be connected to them in a negative way than not to be connected at all. Or maybe they have now become our excuse for why we are not living the life we want to live, for why we are stuck, or for why we continue to beat ourselves up. These are just a few of the reasons we hold on to our resentments. But no matter what the reason, if we want to move on, to have a life greater than the one we have right now in this moment, we must forgive.


Your Weekly Shadow Work
(1) Keep a list this week of all the ways your resentments stop you, hurt you or keep you tied to the past.
(2) Spend this week becoming present to and making a list of what would be available to you if you gave up the grudge.
(3) Meditate each day on this holy line, "Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me."



Coach Carolyn

“It’s easy to forget that the circumstances of our day-to-day lives are the results of decisions we made yesterday, last month, and last year. We don’t wind up thousands of dollars in debt because of one extravagant purchase, nor do we gain thirty pounds as a result of one decadent dinner. And our relationships certainly don’t end overnight because of a single heated argument. We are where we are because of the decisions we make every day. If we want to better understand how we have created our present-day reality, all we need to do is look at the choices we made and continue to make along the way.”

Every important choice we make is being guided by one of two places: either it is an act of faith or it is an act of fear. Faith opens the door to a new future… while fear keeps us rooted in the past.”

From The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford.

Just for today, think about the choices you are about to make. STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

"Am I making this choice based on faith or is it based on fear?"

Choose wisely,
Coach Carolyn

REVIEW: The Right Questions

I have wanted to purchase this book for sometime and finally did. It was definitely worth it! A beautifully written book of ten questions to ask before making any decision in life. What I love most is that it is written so simply as only Debbie can. It draws the reader in to get to the heart of spiritual decision making.

I highly recommend this book if you are needing to make some serious changes in your life. Remember, your life is a result of the choices you have made up until now. Are you still wanting to make the same destructive choices? The Right Questions will help you in making healthy and proactive choices so you can live a more fulfilling live.

I received this article from author, teacher and coach Debbie Ford on listening to your inner voice. Manifesting inner peace begins with stopping ~ a spiritual action, and listening. You cannot hear unless you stop and turn down the noise. Enjoy!


What will it take to make you listen to the voice of your own soul? To make you tune into your wants and needs? How many sleepless nights must you stay awake to unfold the great mystery from within?

There is a small whisper of a voice that is wanting and needing to be listened to. There is a voice of love and compassion that wants to sing out loud ~ without suppression. It is time for the voice to be heard, to be listened to, to be honored and acknowledged as the voice of your own soul. Now is the time that you must stop tricking yourself into believing that you are the one in total control of your life when, in reality, there is a wounded and hurt part of you that is screaming to be let out, that is tired of you marching to the same drummer. Maybe you're aware of this small voice that shouts out in anger as it can no longer tolerate living a life of business as usual.

So stop it. Stop it now. Don't head to the same old nonsense. Try being sick of it because, believe me, that part of you is probably sick of you and some of the repetitive lies and stories that you continue to swim in each day. You might ask, How do I swim in them each day? You wake up and say "I am not going to eat so much, spend so much, procrastinate so much, or tolerate the suppression." You must allow your soul and the highest aspect of yourself to take control of your life. Tough love is what we're calling on here. When you are tempted to follow the path of your wounded self, you must say, "Stop it! I can't listen to your nonsense one more day." Remember, you're the parent now.

Now is the time to get out of the pool of the past. Now is the time for change, to wake up and smell the rose scent of a greater reality. Now is the time to give yourself permission to decipher the language of your higher calling. You are loved, you are cared for, you are important and you have a special purpose here on earth. Now is the time to confront the shadows that keep you behind the prison walls. Set yourself free. You have the key. Now open the door.

(1) Make a list of all the places you're tolerating mediocrity and can't take it anymore.

(2) Spend five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening calling forth and listening to the voice of your own soul.
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Visit Debbie's website to access free affirmations, meditations and worksheets to assist you in being your best self.

Are you listening? Just for today, stop and listen!
Coach Carolyn

In the book, The Best Year of Your Life, author and speaker Debbie Ford includes this poem which I believe sums up so many of our own stories.

There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk:
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson

Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place, but it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

Most of us are sleepwalking through life and are bound to keep falling into the hole in the sidewalk. Until we awaken, to ourselves and those around us, Chapter Five will continue to elude us.

Awaken to your power,
Coach Carolyn

 
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