All About Women | Women

In August at the Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup, I will be facilitating a 3-part discussion series called Blocks to Living with Passion. They will take place on three consecutive Saturday afternoons and we will discuss three things that hinder living a life of passion and purpose.

This month's Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup gathering focused on discovering our passions. The women were amazing, as usual. In addition to passion and purpose, we talked about negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and staying focused on our goals. Nothing discourages passion faster than negativity and fears. As women, we have the tendency to beat ourselves up because we feel we are not doing or being something we think we should do and be. But I tell all women that when you beat yourself up, please use a feather.

One of the women, Sherri, shared a wonderful tip that I just had to pass on to all the Purposeful Divas. She said to create a "Self Care Menu." Like a regular menu in a restaurant, put items on that are about caring and pampering oneself. Because, as Nina shared, when we are in that yucky space, we cannot think clearly, so having this is on hand is a great way to take care of oneself. And Sherri says make it pretty, so be creative.

So what kind of items can go on your menu?

• A day at a spa
• A walk on the beach
• Reading a chapter of a favorite novel
• Taking a bubble bath
• Listening to favorite music
• A manicure/pedicure
• Seeing a movie -- alone or with a friend

The list is endless. And the list is yours. Place items in your menu that you are passionate about. When you create those passion moments, more moments will gravitate towards you. Like begets like. Passion begets more passion.

Also, one of my all time favorite things is a gratitude journal. Every evening, I write down three to five things that I am grateful for that day. I end my day on a positive note and I keep the negativity away. We tend to beat ourselves up at the end of the day about the things we should have done or should have said. Stop shoulding all over yourself!

Learn to practice random acts of self care. Create that menu and start that gratitude journal. Learn to take the time to listen to your inner child. What is she telling you? What is she asking you for? Would you deny her?

Taking time out to discover your passion creates a life of purpose and peace. And if you have lots of things that you are passionate about, do a little sifting. The wheat will separate from the chaff. Your true passion will remain when all others have faded away.

So I am off to create my menu. I am so excited about that! Thank you, Sherri for a fabulous creative tip. And thanks to all the women who shared their hearts, passions and light today.

It is not difficult to tell the people who are living a life of passion and purpose. They are the ones with the inner glow -- that aura of positive harmony and balance. When we are living a life of passion, we cannot help but exude that ray of positivity. Yet, the feelings are mutual. When we live in a state of positivity, passion follows.

I have the wonderful pleasure of communicating online with women in different parts of the world. The beauty of the Internet. I have stated before that my purpose in life is to equip, empower and encourage women to be amazing spirit women living lives of passion, prosperity and peace.

Unless you have been away from the planet for awhile, I am sure you are aware of the green movement -- the effort to create a more eco-friendly environment. This movement has many different layers, from recycling to carpooling to growing things. This move was brought to a new level with An Inconvenient Truth, former Vice President Al Gore's award-winning documentary about global warming.

Living on purpose is about holistic living -- mind, body and spirit. And this involves our global home. When we do not take care of our health, parts of our bodies begin to whither. When we do not keep our minds sharp and entertained, slowly we lose our emotional and mental acumen. And so it is with our planet. Unwittingly, we are slowly destroying our global home. It is very easy to say this is not my responsibility. Ah, but you see, it is! It is ALL of our responsibility.

Some of us are complete greenies! Some of us have never heard the term. Okay, maybe I made it up, but you get my point. Ignorance does not exempt you of responsibility. So get in the know! Three little words that I have heard since I was a child: Reduce, recycle, reuse. Not difficult at all. Take one a day, like a multi-vitamin. It is like any muscle, when you do not use it, it atrophies. Frequent and constant use will strengthen and become a habit. Then it will become second nature.

Start small. Use a mug instead of Styrofoam cups. Run your dishwasher when it is full. Throw cans and bottles in proper receptacles. Use rechargeable batteries. Reuse grocery bags. We often throw things away that we think are no longer useful. Do we do that with people? Of course not. We think of other ways to be of use. Purpose has no expiration dates.

So, think of ways to reuse the things that no longer seem usable. I would be interested in your comments and ideas.

Live green on purpose,
Coach Carolyn

Do we mindfully and purposefully practice meditation?

"We should be able to bring the practice of meditation into our daily lives. We need to discuss among ourselves how to do it.

• Do you practice breathing between phone calls?
• Do you practice smiling while cutting carrots?
• Do you practice relaxation after hard hours of work?

These are practical questions. If you know how to apply meditation to dinner time, leisure time, sleeping time, it will penetrate your daily life, and it will also have a tremendous effect on social concerns."

“Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” ~ Helen Keller

I recently had an interesting conversation with a young man frustrated by his efforts to meet and date women. His approach was with the end in mind; which in some respects would be fine. However, there was no beginning. He was in for the kill and forget about the formalities. Now, I know that we live in a drive-thru, fast-food, want-it-yesterday society. I am not oblivious to this fact. Yet, when it comes to dating, I think we should take things just a little bit slower.

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." ~ Robert Fritz

To get in touch with your passions and your purpose, you must take the time to go within and listen. We have a very difficult time "unbusying" ourselves to just sit and be with ourselves. We must be doing, taking care of someone or something, schlepping, going, coming. How are we ever going to really know what we need and want unless we take the time to truly find out? This passage from Susan Hanshaw's Sanctuary for Change blog says it all:

"Give yourself quiet time to listen to your inner voice. Whenever you find yourself alone, reject the tendency to busy yourself. When you’re driving alone in your car, turn off the music and pay attention to what is going on inside of you. When you’re in a waiting room, don’t distract yourself with a magazine or newspaper. Just close your eyes and turn within. Don’t get hung up worrying about what other people are going to think. Get to know your inner voice. What does it dream about? What ideas might it have about you that you may be too afraid to share with anyone else? Give this voice and its instincts credibility and strive to follow it."

I do a LOT during the day. But one thing I can say is that my busyness creates productivity, passion, and purpose. I also take the time to just be. I cannot do all the things I do and not have time for going within. Clients and friends say that I make them tired by all the things I do. But I also share my being time, my quiet time, the time I take to just listen to what is going on inside of me.

Sometimes it is not comfortable to listen to my inner child -- sometimes she screams and has tantrums. But she is always fully heard. And when she wants to just play, I let her. I have gotten over feeling guilty about taking play time. It does not serve me. It does serve me to create some self care space within my busyness.

Take time to go within and listen,
Coach Carolyn

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What do you continuously focus you mind on? What thoughts consistently invade your brain? And do you set up shop there, or do you consciously choose to discriminate?

Goethe's statement is perfect for me today. I have been having a one-person pity party. You know the kind -- Why aren't I...? I should be.... Yada yada yada! Blah blah blah! Then I read this quote. I made the conscious choice to believe and receive.

There are going to be those days when we are just in that funk; that place of darkness; that seemingly bottomless pit. My advice is to acknowledge that place. Ask yourself some tough questions. "What is this feeling all about?" "What's really going on that I don't want to face?" "What am I to learn from this place of darkness?" Then realize and receive the following truths:

• I have been given all that I need to do what I came to the universe to do.
• I am more than enough.
• Someone else's opinion of me is none of my business.
• I am a uniquely created expression of the Divine.

That's a start. Sometimes, we need to receive this several times a day. It took a lifetime of conditioning to create the negativity; so it will take time to re-condition. Don't give up. Create an affirmation journal, if you need to. If negative thoughts and limiting beliefs are plaguing you, first dump them in a journal or notebook; then create a factual counter-statement for each of them.

For example, my negative thought: I am not contributing to the good of the universe. I am taking up space. (Yes, this actually went on in my head this past weekend)

My factual counter-statement: I am creating the space to help women to find their passions and purpose after overcoming a deep life change or problem.

Replace the negative with the truth. If your truth is still negative, then you must ask yourself some more questions. Feel free to contact me if you need help in this area. We are women of passion and purpose, creating spaces of wholeness and wellness, wherever we go.

Live passionately and prosper!

Coach Carolyn

In our daily lives, we are more hurried and busier than ever. Since the age of technology, life was to be more simpler and with more ease. Instead the opposite is the fact. Because of this hurried existence, we fail to take time to just sit and be. But I have found more and more people, women especially, not knowing what they are passionate about, not knowing what their purpose is, thus giving them no inner peace.

I have patterned my life in such a rhythm that without a certain amount of self-care, I cannot function properly. One of the self-care tools I utilize constantly is listening. Listening to the Divine, listening to others, and listening to self. Without this tool, I could not do what I do. To coach and counsel, one has to be in tuned with the whisperings of the Spirit and self -- in order to listen to others.

Listening is not a passive act you do while waiting for your turn to speak. Listening is a skill and an art; sadly a lost art. Deep and active listening involves not just the ears, but the entire body, including the heart. When you have truly listened to someone, you can feel it. You are drained but energized at the same time.

But harder than listening to someone else, is being still and listening to what out own inner voice has to say. To take the time and sit in stillness is absolute torture to some people. But start with just ten minutes. Use commute time, or waiting in a line time. These are opportunities for listening. Don't just stand and complain, create an A-Z gratitude list while you are waiting. Ask yourself a question about something that you are dealing with in your life. Call to mind an old friend that you haven't seen or heard from in a while. Send them a silent blessing.

Listening is also a wonderful time to minister to those far-away loved ones. Send silent blessings and warm thoughts -- then follow up with a hand written thinking of you note card. You'd be amazed what comes up inside when you take the time to just be still.

Sitting still has helped me create my workshops, writings, lectures, and classes. My inner child knows what she wants to play and she lets me know it too. Get in touch with your inner child. Let him or her out for an hour a day and listen to what wonders he or she wants to share with you.

In peace and stillness,
Coach Carolyn

I must applaud Apple Computers for their innovation and savvy techno-know how. I myself cannot live without my iPod. (The only Apple gadget I own) But I am not one to run out and buy because it is there to buy. It took me a while to purchase my first iPod, the mini. Then to upgrade to the 5th Generation Video version. Why did I upgrade? Because the mini could not hold all my audiobooks. I have over 100 audiobooks on the subjects I teach and coach -- life on purpose, leadership, spirituality, building relationships.

What's my point here? My point is that because I have an iPod, I also have the iTunes software to go with it. And because of the iPhone, Apple updated the iTunes software to accommodate the iPhone. And that is where the chaos began. Long story still long: I had to delete the updated version of iTunes (7.3), and reinstall the last version, where there were no glitches. This took all of two days to figure out the problem, find out the solution, then implement the solution. Luckily, I am a patient and purposeful woman!

Living life on purpose means waiting patiently. I had chaos and didn't even buy anything! Imagine if I had stood in those three-day lines and purchased the iPhone. It would have been a mess. Once the bugs are ironed out, then perhaps, I will need an iPhone. Today, I can wait.

Part of the lessons I have learned during my journey is that blessings will come, but not in my timing; because my timing may not be the right timing. I may need to learn something and not be ready for the blessing. The Divine wants to bless us. But we may be unprepared for certain experiences and not ready for the ride. Small children are not allowed on certain rides in the amusement park. Why? Because their small bodies and fragile minds are not equipped or ready. And so it is with us adults.

I am definitely not ready for the iPhone. But it's pretty and cool looking! Well yeah, so are children, but I'm not running out and getting one of them either!

I will wait... on purpose, with my iPod!

Coach Carolyn