All About Women | Women

Habari Gani? NIA!

What’s the news? Purpose!

Today we celebrate the fifth day of Kwanzaa, that beautiful week-long festival honoring African heritage by giving thanks to our first fruits of the harvest. Today’s principle is my personal favorite: NIA or Purpose.

The day, NIA, speaks of making our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

This is my hope too for this community of passionate and purposeful women (and men); to build up this community by being an active part and by taking and exercising your power as purposeful creators. You have the power to think, to choose, to decide, and to act. How will you exercise your power? Or, have you given your power away?

What happened with katie holmes? She looked tired and it's not like her, who is the most stylish star of 2007. What happen with you, darling?

Back out for round two onstage, Katie Holmes seemed to be showing the physical signs of maintaining her rigorous Broadway schedule on Saturday night (December 20).

Looking completely worn out, the former “Dawson’s Creek” cutie mustered up a brief smile as she made her way to the Gerald Schoenfeld Theater wearing a festive red winter coat with a white cap and scarf.

In related news, Katie was recently quoted in an upcoming compilation called “The Black Book Of Hollywood Pregnancy Secrets,” due to go on sale next March.

In the book, which also features Kate Hudson and Angelina Jolie, Katie reveals that priorities change with motherhood, explaining: “We were in Berlin and I was impressed with their playgrounds. It’s amazing what you become aware of as a mother. You think, ‘Nice wood on that swing set’.”

"Even the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of not having lived authentically and fully." ~ Frances Moore Lappe

"Your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be." ~ Raymond Charles Barker

Who loves purple very much? my friend does!
Everything she wear is in purple (but uniform)
mmmhh sometimes not, but it's very rare!!
And you know what the thing that I like from her? her SWEET PURPLE CLUTCH namely Marc Jacobs Big Heart Zip Clutch.

There are heart appliques of varying leathers decorating the front and back. And the price is for the name, of course. But the clutch is a good size (11″x 6.5″x 2.5″), the idea is cute, and I happen to like this clutch very much. What I do want to know is if there really is python skin or just embossed python. This is the kind of clutch you take out with your significant other, or when you are dressed super girly. What say you all? just leave a comment!

During this time of the year, we tend to want things and expect to receive them, coming in the form of holiday presents. Yet, what about the rest of the year? We want things then too, don’t we? Do we ask for them? Or do we simply make a wish and wait for a birthday or another special day of the year.

Do you know that it is your birthright to receive miracles? When was the last time you asked for a miracle? Do you awake every morning and ask for your miracle? Why not? I am taking this opportunity to invite you to ask for and expect to receive a miracle.

Miracles come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They are not all ginormous, lightning bolt sized, split-open-the-sky types either. Some miracles are quite small but make a great impact. Babies are born everyday, yet for each family, it is considered a miracle. An “aha moment” is a miracle. Anything that changes you just a bit is a miracle. Remember, it is all a matter of perspective.

So, just for today, ask for and expect a miracle. And remember to be grateful for it.

“Presidents and prime ministers, doctors and lawyers, scientists and schoolteachers, chief executives and trade union leaders, religious groups and communities, and – critically – people living with HIV, are coming together in a brilliant coalition that has proved that, with clear targets and strong commitment, we can move mountains.” ~ UNAIDS Executive Director Peter Piot, 2008 World AIDS Day message

After the Thanksgiving leftovers have been devoured, we turn our attention to what Thanksgiving really means. It means being thankful for all that one has and to pray for those who go without. We also hold in our hearts and minds those who are suffering, particularly this day, for those who suffer from HIV and AIDS.

On this World AIDS Day, we are still battling this pandemic after 27 years. Thirty-three million people worldwide are still living with this deadly disease. As Dr. Peter Piot, Executive Director of UNAIDS states, there is reason for celebration, yet still reason for concern. Though we have made progress with HIV prevention programs, there are still areas in the world where such programs are non-existent. This affects all of us, especially our children. Nearly half of all AIDS cases in the U.S. involve people 13 to 24 years of age.

10 Basic Facts on HIV and AIDS

It is your right to know...

§ AIDS is caused by HIV, the human immunodeficiency virus, which damages the body's defense system. People who have AIDS become weaker because their bodies lose the ability to fight all illnesses. They eventually die. There is no cure for HIV.

§ The onset of AIDS can take up to ten years from the time of infection with the HIV virus. Therefore a person infected with HIV may look and feel healthy for many years, but he or she can still transmit the virus to someone else. New medicines can help a person stay healthier for longer periods of time, but the person will still have HIV and be able to transmit HIV.

§ HIV is transmitted through HIV-infected bodily fluids. HIV is transmitted through the exchange of any HIV-infected bodily fluids. Transfer may occur during all stages of the infection/disease. The HIV virus is found in the following fluids: blood, semen (and pre-ejaculated fluid), vaginal secretions, breast milk.

§ HIV is most frequently transmitted sexually. That is because fluids mix and the virus can be exchanged, especially where there are tears in vaginal or anal tissue, wounds or other sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). Girls are especially vulnerable to HIV infection because their vaginal membranes are thinner and more susceptible to infection than those of mature women.

§ People who have Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) are at greater risk of being infected with HIV. People who have STIs are at greater risk of being infected with HIV and of transmitting their infection to others. People with STIs should seek prompt treatment and avoid sexual intercourse or practice safer sex (non-penetrative sex or sex using a condom), and inform their partners.

§ The risk of sexual transmission of HIV can be reduced if people do not have sex, if uninfected partners have sex only with each other or if people have safer sex – sex without penetration or using a condom. The only way to be completely sure to prevent the sexual transmission of HIV is by abstaining from all sexual contact.

§ People who inject themselves with drugs are at high risk of becoming infected with HIV. HIV can also be transmitted when the skin is cut or pierced using an unsterilized needle, syringe, razorblade, knife or any other tool. People who inject themselves with drugs or have sex with drug users are at high risk of becoming infected with HIV. Moreover, drug use alters people's judgment and can lead to risky sexual behaviour, such as not using condoms.

§ Contact a health worker or an HIV/AIDS centre to receive counseling and testing. Anyone who suspects that he or she might have been infected with HIV should contact a health worker or an HIV/AIDS centre in order to receive confidential counseling and testing. It is your right. (Article 24 of the Convention on the rights of the child).

§ HIV is not transmitted by everyday contact. HIV is not transmitted by: hugging, shaking hands; casual, everyday contact; using swimming pools, toilet seats; sharing bed linens, eating utensils, food; mosquito and other insect bites; coughing, sneezing.

§ Everyone deserves compassion and support. Discriminating against people who are infected with HIV or anyone thought to be at risk of infection violates individual human rights and endangers public health. Everyone infected with and affected by HIV and AIDS deserves compassion and support. (Article 2 of the Convention on the rights of the child).

Education is the path to prevention and healing. Inform yourself of the facts about HIV and AIDS. Ignorance leads to death.

Sometimes we may feel powerless in the face of such an epidemic. Fear not! You need not feel helpless or powerless, there are things that you can do. For more information on how to help and what you can do, visit BlogCatalog's Blogger Unite Challenge Page.

Remember, it only takes one to make a difference.

In peace,
Coach Carolyn

Our Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup met last weekend. I want to say thank you ladies for coming out on a frigid afternoon, I appreciate you all.

We talked about spiritual practices ~ some tips on how to use them and some examples of specific ones. One very important tip is to just do it! It is not about being perfect, but being centered and at peace. This you will never accomplish if you just don’t start already! Never mind about how it looks or sounds to anyone else, this is your journey and your practice. It looks however you need it to look for it to work for you.

Another tip is to have no expectations. It is said that expectations are future rejections. When I expect someone to do something, and they do not; it is not the person that has let me down, but my expectation of them. Go into everything with an open heart and an open mind. This is critical for spiritual practices because when you have expectations, chances are something will come up that is not in line with what you expected. Then what? You give up because it didn’t go according to your plan. In the realm of the spirit, nothing goes according to your plan. This is an important lesson to keep handy. I can do the same practice two days in a row and each day presents something different. Why? Because I am different. I am feeling something different, I am experiencing something new and different, or I am just in a funky place at the time.

One of our newest members shared her spiritual practice of meditation. She remarked how centered and peaceful she feels once she has had her meditation time; and how empty she feels when she does not meditate. Another member shared that she creates vision boards and this is very calming for her.

There is no set practice ~ whatever you do to connect you with the divinity that is within you and outside of you is your practice. I shared my four main practices: prayer and contemplation; spiritual reading; silence and solitude; and journaling. I can definitely feel the effects when one or all of those practices go unchecked. For silence and solitude, I take myself on an Artist Date; just me, my journal and my pen. No friends, family or pets. No distractions, just time to be with yourself, to get to know yourself more.

If you are a newbie to spiritual practices, there are two sites that I have found to very useful: One is Beliefnet – whatever your belief system, this site will accommodate you. It offers prayers, meditations, news and views on all things of a spiritual and religious nature. The other site is Spirituality and Health, named for the magazine. Try one or both sites to jumpstart or spice up your spiritual practice.

I also shared a ritual I use for ending my day: every evening I do a self-inquiry of my day. I answer three questions:
*What have I learned today?
*What have I enjoyed today?
*What have I improved or contributed to today?

Then I list five things I am grateful for that day. Instead of going to sleep anxious and worried about the day or the next day, this sets the tone for restful and peaceful sleep. When you wake up, set an intention for your day.

What would you like the day to look like? Ex., a day full of peace-filled conversations with no drama!

How do you want to feel? I want to feel peaceful and grateful all day, not worried or stressed.

Also, if you have a petty tyrant, that special person whose job it is to constantly annoy you, set an intention that your petty tyrant won’t annoy you today. And if s/he does, it won’t bother you; you will remain in a state of peace and goodwill. It may sound hokey, but when done in the proper spirit, it does work and you will notice the difference. As a coach, teacher and speaker, I have many petty tyrants. Yet, I see them as my teachers ~ they are in my life to teach me something. Yet, I simply remain open and grateful for the lessons and the blessings that come. This is what consistently doing spiritual practices has taught me ~ to be more open and look for the light instead of expecting the darkness.

I would love to hear what spiritual practices work for you. Please share them with us.

In peace and gratitude,
Coach Carolyn

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice." ~ Meister Eckhart

During this time of the year, being thankful is top of mind. We recall the sacrifices made for us to partake of the liberties we have come to enjoy and in some cases, take for granted. One of my spiritual practices is a gratitude list. Every evening I list five things I am grateful for that day. I just learned from one of my coaches yet another practice with the gratitude list. In the morning, list five things that you can be grateful for before they even happen. It helps set an intention for the day.

Out of my gratitude, I remember to say “thank you.” Two simple words yet so profound in meaning and impact. Think about what happens to the recipient of a “thank you,” a smile crosses their face, their manner is a bit lighter, and they are inclined to do more for you. A simple “thank you” begets more favor. You too are lifted when you bestow this simple yet effortless act of kindness and gratitude.

So, just for today, remember to say “thank you.” It may be all you need to say.

To my friends in the United States, I wish you a warm and blessed Happy Thanksgiving Day, and thank you for your continued love, encouragement and support. You are all warmly held in my heart.

Coach Carolyn

We are truly abundant when we can live in a state of radical gratitude. Though simple gratitude is wonderful enough; radical gratitude takes us to places that are beyond our deepest imaginings. Being grateful means recognizing and appreciating all of the material abundance in our lives. We acknowledge our means and give thanks for them. Living in a state of radical gratitude means not only acknowledging those material and tangible things, but also acknowledging the intangibles as well. Those are the things we most take for granted because we cannot readily see and touch them in our lives. It is not until tragedy strikes that we begin to really see those things that are unseen to the naked eye.

There are the simple things to give thanks for: shelter, food, clothing, and some means to have all of our basic needs provided for. Yet, there are those things that we do overlook: a loved one’s smile, a mass transit system that gets us where we need to go, a reliable though slow computer, running water. It is usually when our loved one frowns upon us that we take notice and complain, rather than appreciating and thanking them for the smile. We do notice when the water stops running so freely as opposed to giving thanks for the countless times the water does flow effortlessly.

It has been said that until we acknowledge the small things, the big things will continue to elude us. I have found this to be the case. It is when I can truly acknowledge and appreciate all the small things, the intangible things in my life, that I see an increase in the larger things. Radical gratitude is seeing all of those small, insignificant things. It is also seeing those people, things and circumstances that seem not so kind: the rude boss, the loss of a dear one, an illness. It is difficult to find anything to be grateful for in those situations. Yet, this is the time for radical gratitude. Those are the moments in our lives that try and test our resolve; showing our true strength and stamina.

I have had many losses in my life, some worse than others. I am constantly asked how I stay so positive in those moments of crisis. My answer is radical gratitude. I always say to myself it could be much worse; others have it much worse than I, and this is a lesson to grow me and a blessing to show me that grace abounds. When those moments of crisis occur, that is the time to think less of myself and more of others. This can be a hard thing to do, especially when you are in some emotional pain. The pain will change and soften, if not totally disappear. But until that time, you are not meant to sit and suffer. Remember, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Instead of choosing to suffer, make the choice to reach out and help another person who is also in pain. It will ease the pain for both of you.

“Spiritual practice supports the development of personal power. Spiritually powerful people are not necessarily people who do so much, as they are people around whom things get done.” ~ From A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

I have a great many tasks and projects that I work on from day to day. I don’t consider myself busy, as I consider myself productive. We can be extremely busy, but produce nothing at the end of the day. When the day is done, I want to have something to show for the time and effort I spent on an assignment. As one of my spiritual practices, I assess my day; evaluating how my time was spent and what was truly accomplished.

I have several spiritual practices, and they have become just that, practices. It took time to develop them into a daily habit. Like brushing our teeth and showering, spiritual practices are to be done until they are very comfortable and natural. You miss them when you cannot do them.

The only time my spiritual practices are out of sync is when I am traveling. So I have adapted a travel version of my practices so that I can do them when I am on a plane, train, bus, or traveling by car. I love my travel practices, because when I am traveling, I love the motion. I find this very soothing and meditating, thus being conducive to putting me in a peaceful state. I am good at shutting other people and noises out. (Don’t know if this is a good thing or just plain rude, but it works for me!)

At our next Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup, we will be discussing the ins and outs of using spiritual practices. For me personally, I could not do all that I do if I did not have spiritual practices. I would not be as peaceful or as focused. When I feel less than peaceful and less than focused, I know that I have my practices to fall back on. I can do them anytime.

If you are looking for the peace, the calm, the focus in your life, consider attending the next Meetup gathering. If you cannot attend, look for the follow-up posts and notes. I may also do a teleseminar if there is enough interest. Looking forward to your thoughts on this one.

May you be at peace,
Coach Carolyn

Woohoo! Another year and another Bathroom Blogfest. This year’s theme: Cleaning Up Forgotten Spaces Around Us.

So, when I participated in this Bathroom Blogfest last year, I had just returned from France, with the bathroom experiences there. This year, I just returned from Italy. It may seem like I am this awesome world traveler, so if you think that, keep thinking it! I do like the sound of it. I do get around quite a bit and I get to experience a lot of loos.

The French WC’s (that’s water closet for you non-French speakers) were not exactly stellar. As a matter of fact, they were downright nasty. It pays to wear skirts and dresses, nothing to drag on the wet floors. Talk about cleaning up the forgotten spaces; well, the French WC’s were totally forgotten. And toilet tissue? Well, what’s that? Luckily, I pack my own supplies.

So this year I can squeal on the Italian toilets. After my experience in France, I knew I had better pack toilet stuff. My backpack included a healthy supply of tissues, napkins, and hand sanitizer. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not have to resort to my stash very often. The toilets were clean and stocked. Some of our group complained that there were no toilet seats. This did not bother me as I am a professional squatter.

I am tickled about the bidets in the hotel bathrooms. I still don’t know exactly what to do with one, so I guess I didn’t need it. After all, I don’t own a bidet. Yes, I know I can go to Wikipedia and find out all about bidets, but you know what? I really don’t want to know.

Italian toilets are up there for me. Didn’t have to do too much cleaning up as the spaces in Italy were never forgotten. And I frequented many of them. Whenever there was a bathroom break, I was first in line. And it wasn’t because I drank so much water; I could not stand the taste of the water; as water should not have a taste. I preferred water with gas. But that’s another blogfest – natural or gas water. My point is, I visited a lot of toilets. Oh, I must confess. Don’t you love confessions?

One of the toilets cost 50 cents. Imagine, charging you money to take a leak! Anyway, I being cheap didn’t have the 50 cents. So what’s a signorina to do? No, I did not jump the turnstile. If anything, I would crawl under; though I am tall and that would be painful. I went through with another woman. Thank you, dear Catherine, my toilet sister!

Yes, I have had some funky bathroom experiences abroad. Must write a book about it someday. Next week I go to Cleveland. Can’t wait to christen those loos! This could be a whole new job for me – journeying to bathrooms around the world. Then, I would blog about them. Until then, see you in the loo. I’ll bring the tissues!

~ Carolyn

Check out my Bathroom Blogfest sisters and see what they are up to:

Susan Abbott at Customer Experience Crossroads
Katia Adams at Transcultural Marketing
Shannon Bilby at Floor Talk!
Laurence Borel at Blog Till You Drop
Jo Brown and the blogging team at Kohler Talk
Lisbeth Calandrino at Lisbeth Calandrino
Sara Cantor at The Curious Shopper
Becky Carroll at Customers Rock!
Katie Clark at Practical Katie
Iris Shreve Garrott at Circulating
Ann Handley at Annarchy
Marianna Hayes at Results Revolution
Elizabeth Hise and C.B. Whittemore at The Carpetology Blog
Maria Palma at Customers Are Always
Sandra Renshaw at Purple Wren
Kate Rutter at Adaptive Path
Claudia Schiepers at Life and its little pleasures
Stephanie Weaver at Experienceology
C.B. Whittemore at Flooring The Consumer

"We don't get our lives together and then give them to God, but rather we give our lives to God and then things start coming together. As our hearts open, our talents and gifts begin to blossom. Many people have told me that once they're successful and have made a lot of money, they will use that success to help the world. But that's a delay technique by which the ego tries to keep us from showing up fully in our own lives. Even if we don't yet consider ourselves successful, we can devote our work now to being used in the service of the healing of the world. From that point of power our careers will take off."

Nothing in life can take the place of knowing your purpose. If you don't try to discover your purpose, you're likely to spend your life doing the wrong things.

I believe that God created every person for a purpose. As psychologist, Viktor Frankl said, "Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life. Everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus everyone's task is as unique as his specific opportunity to implement it." Each of us has a purpose for which we were created. Our responsibility - and our joy - is to identify it.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you identify your purpose:

For what am I searching? All of us have a strong desire set in our hearts, something that speaks to our deepest thoughts and feelings, something that sets our souls on fire.

Why was I created? Think about the unique mix of abilities you have, the resources available to you, your own personal history, and the opportunities around you.

Do I believe in my potential? No one can consistently act in a manner inconsistent with the way he sees himself.

When do I start? The answer to that question is "NOW."

From Your Road Map for Success by Dr. John C. Maxwell.

Be You On Purpose,
Coach Carolyn

Part of being a woman of purpose is tapping into issues that are greater than ourselves and giving back, to our own individual communities and to the global community. The Bonita Trust is one such charity. Founded by billionaire entrepreneur Ruth Parasol in 2004 as an independent philanthropic charity, Bonita was created to give back to the communities in which they, the company, and its staff live and work, past and present.

Bonita focuses the majority of its grant-making in five geographic areas: the United Kingdom, India, Israel, Bulgaria and Gibraltar ~ where the company is based. The Bonita Trust is committed to enriching the community through programs geared to health issues ~ prevention and treatment; enterprise and education ~ through technology and leadership development for women; and culture and heritage.

Our online and real time communities of Becoming a Woman of Purpose is committed to the spiritual empowerment and enrichment of women and the issues that concern them. When we are troubled within, this bleeds to the outside and infects as well as affects all areas of our lives. The Bonita Trust is also committed to building community and making a tangible impact on the lives of the people in the community, especially women and children.

Ruth Parasol, born in San Francisco, currently lives in Gibraltar with her husband Russ DeLeon and their three children. To see more of the work of The Bonita Trust, please visit their website http://www.ruthparasol-bonitatrust.org/.

When we are stuck or in a state of uncertainty, it is difficult to move forward on our dreams and intentions. We are inclined to stay in that state of uncertainty instead of moving forward to a place of unknown. Yet, when we think about it, every move forward is a move into the unknown. We take the risk when we are certain that it will benefit us, or if it is a life and death situation; for example, staying in a passionless job because you are afraid of not being able to pay the bills. We resign ourselves to a life of drudgery instead of trusting the process and ourselves and taking a leap of faith.

Our last Becoming a Woman of Purpose Gathering was about those things that hold us back. The most common reason is fear. I believe fear is a catch all phrase for us not knowing and trusting ourselves and the process. If we can truly trust in ourselves, knowing who we are, it is less difficult to take that leap. I still ask the ladies, “Who are you?” and with the exception of my most diligent members (shout out to my girl Jennifer, woot!), no one can fully answer the question. Why is this? Because it is easier to stay stuck, not taking full responsibility for one’s life, than to make decisions that might get you what you want, or might get you evicted. I am by no means saying to make these decisions without proper planning. This planning is all part of the process called life. It pains me that so many women are not in touch with who they really are and what they truly want out of life. Oh yes, we know what we don’t want, but what do we want? Can we name it? Can we allow it once it shows up?

Stopping is a spiritual action

This can be a sticking point for some people, because stopping may seem like resigning or being lazy. This is far from the truth. There is stopping actions all throughout our lives, for a reason. We stop at red lights in order to allow someone else to move. Yet, when we are stopped at a red light, we tap our feet anxiously wanting the light to hurry up and change so we can move on. Move on to what? Just move! Stopping allows us to read the signs of the times, within our own lives and intentions. How can we know what we truly want if we do not take a moment to stop and ask ourselves? Then, if we keep moving like the hamster on the treadmill, and the thing we want shows up, will we stop long enough to allow and receive it? I say we do not and we miss the opportunity.

Once we take the time to stop, we ask ourselves what do we want and when do we want it? Do not worry about how we get it, that part is none of our business. Our part is to just show up in a state of allowing and receiving. We ask for what we want, then promptly negate the request. For example, we may want a new home. Yet, we say but I cannot afford it, the market is bad for buyers, how will I make the payments, on and on and on. Just state the intention, and then allow it to come. You cannot state an intention when you don’t know what the intention is. Stop and ask the questions. Some questions to consider:

Where am I in my life right now?
Where do I want to be right now?
What is the gap between the two?
What do I need to do to bridge that gap?

Also, remain in a state of gratitude. When we are grateful, we are not in a negative place. Remember, love and fear cannot co-exist. When we are in one state, we cannot be in the other. Which state are you choosing? And remember, it is your choice.

Live your life on purpose!

“When you get to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” ~ Edward Teller

Through all of our trials and transitions, one of the deadliest of all is a diagnosis of cancer. Women are being diagnosed at a very high rate and we need to love and support all of our sisters who are victims and survivors. In my effort to equip, empower and encourage women and girls, this includes all parts of woman: spiritual, emotional, physical, and socially. I have met many, many survivors and known many who have succumbed to the brutality of the cancer fight. My own family is no exception. So, I am making an appeal and asking for your help.

My dear friend and sister Gina Colicci has committed to walk a 26.2 mile marathon this coming January to fund leukemia research. Gina and her sister Toni Marie lost their beloved mother Frances to leukemia in 2006. Although Frances lived to see Toni Marie walk down the aisle, she did not live to see the birth of Toni’s son, Nicholas. This is Gina’s first marathon and she is walking to put an end to this killer disease through research. Twenty years ago being diagnosed with leukemia was almost a guaranteed death sentence. Today, due to leukemia research, nearly four out of the five children diagnosed with leukemia are cured and four out of ten adults are cured. Ten times as many adults are stricken; so we still have quite a bit of work to do.

Finding the cure for leukemia is the key to finding the cure to all cancers. The treatment of many varieties of cancer today, use chemotherapy and bone marrow transplantation, both of which have evolved from leukemia research. By raising money, the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society can continue funding cutting edge research.

I know Gina’s and Toni’s story, yet there are thousands of others whom I don’t know. By raising money for funding, countless stories can have a happier ending. Through your help of financial donations, prayers and positive energy, we can continue to fund the research needed to eradicate this deadly disease. Help give the thousands of untold stories a happy ending.

To donate, please visit Gina’s page at http://pages.teamintraining.org/wch/pfchangs09/gcolicci to make a secure donation online. Also, email me your stories, and I will pass them on to Gina. She walks for her mom, but she also walks for all of us.

Live in peace and love,
Coach Carolyn

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer

Greetings Purposeful Divas and Divos!

Just wanted to share an email I received concerning making, breaking and negotiating agreements. I believe it can benefit other women as well.
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Thanks so much for sending this recap. It is extremely useful and full of wonderful ideas. I wish I was not out of town and could have attended.

If someone breaks an agreement with you...say a lover who cheats on you...what could one say to share ones feelings in an adult, honest, loving way and not angry and then renegotiate a new agreement?

Much appreciation and gratitude for your insights.

Marlene
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Marlene,

Your question is a good one and one that I am sure lots of people are dealing with. When we speak of making agreements, we also mean making agreements with ourselves; all this comes down to trust.

Do you trust yourself enough to make and re-negotiate an agreement? If not, how can you trust another? We expect significant others to do for us what we will not do for ourselves.

Did you make an agreement with the other person? I don't mean a hap-hazard sort of agreement, but a real agreement with clarifying statements?

In re-negotiating an agreement, we must do the truth in love. State exactly what you are feeling about the broken agreement. State facts.

"When you did ______, I felt ______. The impact that had on me was ____. My request is ______."

No angry words, no emotional outbursts. Just state the facts. Then re-negotiate as you feel comfortable. The re-negotiation process is unique to each situation. What does your gut/intuition tell you? Are you able to trust the person again in order to make a new agreement.

Infidelity is a difficult case. Discern carefully and take your time. This is your life. Only you must live it.

Agree with a purpose!
Coach Carolyn

Our Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup Group concluded our three part discussion of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. We by no means exhausted the topic. We, at least I, could talk on these agreements until the cows come home. When exactly do the cows come home? Anyway, our discussion was very powerful. We had a great group of ladies, as usual. It is always a new group because one or two new ladies will join us. Yet, the dynamics are always fascinating.

One of my passions is being a part of a group of purposeful women discussing spiritual issues that impacts their souls. Amazing to watch and share. We discussed honoring our agreements. Life is about making, breaking and re-negotiating agreements. We make an agreement, say to meet someone at a certain time. Then as life happens, we break the agreement. The reasons do not matter. What does matter is that we then need to re-negotiate the agreement, or make a new agreement. This is the part we fall down on. We don’t communicate our feelings about the broken agreement, so we just stew and let the matter fester until we are carrying anger and resentment towards the other person.

If we would just have a conversation with that person about the broken agreement; not in an angry or argumentative manner, but in a loving and honest way, then things would not get so out of hand. All we need to do is to clarify the agreement, apologize if necessary, and then make a new agreement. Make the new agreement with a few clarifying points. Say to the other, “okay, let me see if I got this right…” then repeat the agreement to clarify. When we can make and negotiate agreements in this way, our relationships are so much stronger and kinder.

Several other topics along the same theme came up and I want to recap one of them because I believe that we could all benefit from shining light on it here. The concern was about being and staying present. We tend to live either in the past ~ dealing with regrets and if onlys, or we live in the future ~ worrying about the what ifs. Both are about our fears and both take us out of the present moment. I know that we all have these moments when we fret over past events or worry about our tomorrows.

It is about creating spiritual practices for ourselves. One of the practices could be taking one issue or worry that you are carrying and take some small action toward it. If something is bothering you about your past, it could possibly be an incompletion in your life. An incompletion is something that was left undone or unsaid in your past that is affecting your present. For example, if a memory comes up for you and there is some amount of pain attached to the memory, chances are there is something incomplete about that event. So you need to complete it.

To complete what was left incomplete, get clear about what the incompletion is. Ask questions about it: What is incomplete? What did I feel about the circumstances of that event? How does that affect me in the present moment? How is it affecting my moving forward? After exhausting all of the questions, then ask what needs to be done to complete it. Who is involved? Remember, it is not necessary to involve another if it would be harmful to you or to them.

Can you declare it complete and move on? Sometimes you just need to make the declaration and be done with it. The event or circumstance may not need anything done to complete it except to declare it complete.

Remember, life is a process, not an event. This all takes one step and one moment at a time. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Just wake up the next day and agree to make a new agreement. Soon you will see that your life will shift to a brighter and more peaceful way of being.

Make and keep your agreements on purpose!
Coach Carolyn

Now, about those cows. It is an old Irish expression. So, when do the cows come home? Well, when they are damn good and ready! Or when they need to be milked. Just like a cow!

"There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one." ~ Ralph Marston

Most of our self-talk comes unconsciously from our subconscious. Yet every thought that exists in our subconscious got there through a conscious decision to accept that thought.

We need to become conscious of our self-talk so we can at will choose to replace negative beliefs with positive ones. We have the power to choose an identity we love, but we need to do the work. The process of changing our subconscious beliefs requires awareness, diligence, consistency and repetition.

~ From Higher Awareness

We have an amazing power that we tend to take for granted. It is our power to choose. We can always choose to make a different choice, especially when our original choice isn't working for us. We must learn to ask questions ~ we must question our choice.

We do know when our lives are out of whack. We do know when things just aren't going according to plan. Yet, we continue to make the same choices and do things the same way. Remember the definition of insanity ~ doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

So, just for today, choose to make a purposeful choice ~ a choice that will bring peace to your life instead of chaos; a choice that will result in freedom and not frenzy.

You have the power ~ choose wisely!
Coach Carolyn

A Mum was told that feeding her hungry baby was completely unacceptable, in Rothwell Leisure Centre this week, and the mother has asked that all mothers of breastfeeding babies in the local area, help her stand up for the right to feed her baby.

This is how the mother describes what happened:

We had been there about 40 minutes when the duty manager arrives and tells me not to feed the baby by the pool. I said: "Why? Is it health and safety issue?" He said: "No, no-one wants to see you doing that." I said: "If it was a bottle would that make any difference?" He said: "I haven't had a problem with bottles." I said: "It's my right to feed my baby and the council has a policy to support me in local government buildings."

He wanted me to stop or leave; I did neither. He walked away without introducing himself or telling me what he expected me to do.I am very upset and disappointed.

I then rallied my family together and left.We were in the pool less than an hour, my son distraught that his birthday treat was ruined, my three-year-old barely got wet, and my baby didn't even feel the water.

I also spoke to the ladies in the canteen who also agreed it wasn't acceptable to be asked not to feed my baby but quoted that it was against Rothwell Leisure Centre's rules to breast feed.

I am very upset. Nobody from the leisure centre wanted to speak about my complaint so I have put it in writing but where will it go?

Seeing that is was quoted by an employee, as against the leisure centre rules, and seeing that the leisure centre is run by Leeds County Council, I phoned the council and asked to be put through to the person in charge of this area of sports facilities, and his name is Mark Allman.

Now, Mr Allman is on leave, and a gentleman named Ian Waller, Sports Operations Manager for Leeds CC, was dealing with the issues, and I had a long conversation with the Secretary in the office, who phoned him through for me. I have to say, that Mr Waller was in a meeting, and even though he had to attend the meeting, he made sure I got all the info I needed - so very well done there.

And what they confirmed for me, which is what I suspected, is that breastfeeding is not only allowed on all Leeds County Council properties, but supported and encouraged. In fact, materials supporting breastfeeding from the NCT are displayed on doorways in their sports facilities, and mothers can have a choice in many locations on feeding their hungry babies where they are, or going to separate rooms if they wish too.

Leeds had also taken the time to discuss if there were 'Health & Safety' issues on breastfeeding babies feeding in the pool area, and I was assured the only time there would be a health issue with a baby in a pool, was if the baby had vomited whilst in the water - and that was nothing to do with how the baby was fed!

So this seems like the 'usual suspect' in these cases. A person doesn't like what they are seeing, and uses their position to claim the company they work for objects. They don't like it, and they resort to stating 'policy' says it is unacceptable. Which is, of course, why babies need to be protected from this personal prejudice. I'm sure Leeds County Council will follow this complaint up seriously, and support this duty-manager by retraining, and reinforcing the message throughout all their facilities. Hungry babies get fed, and that is the council policy!

But whilst this sort of nonsense keeps happening, babies and their Mums are left feeling exposed and stressed, by always wondering if the next person to walk by, is going to say something negative to them. And this stress and fear of criticism, often prevents mothers from allowing their babies to feed in public at all.

I hope Leeds gets it through to all their employees : it doesn't matter what they want to see or not, hungry babies get fed. Their rights to food comes before anyone else's personal feelings on the matter.

I'm very confident that this Mum and her children are going to have their rotten time at Rothwell pool made up to them by Leeds officials! Go Leeds!

Thanks to the ladies, our last Becoming a Woman of Purpose gathering was wonderful. Lots of deep, intimate and honest conversations. Taking the topic from one of Don Miguel Ruiz’ Four Agreements, Don’t Take Anything Personally, certainly evokes lots of discussion and lots of fire in the belly. Of the four agreements, this one is the most difficult to follow.

As Don Miguel explains, we tend to think everything is about us, when in fact, it is not. We must learn to let go of our own belief that we must react to everything that is directed at us. We have not been called to police the universe. Everything is not about me. It is a hard enough job taking care of my own business; I don’t need to delve into everyone else’s business as well.

We all have our own stories, and we all operate out of our own stories and realities. Yet, my story is just that: my story. It is no one else’s. This holds true for all of us. When someone says something to us, whether positive or negative, it is from their own reality, their own story; and has nothing to do with me.

This particular agreement has been absolutely life changing for me personally. When I finally wrapped my brain around the fact that whatever was said to me or about me, had nothing to do with me, I was liberated. I have also learned to no longer “take offense” from other people. When someone offends me, I can choose not to take the offense, and let it go; because again, it is not about me.

And if you constantly offended by other people, think about how many times you offend other people. I can hear you saying that you don’t mean to offend anybody. Well, does anyone mean to offend? If you are in a relationship with someone, platonic or intimate, who constantly offends, then it is time to rethink the relationship. Someone you are not in relationship with, and has no vested interest in, should not cause you distress. If it does, then ask yourself why? What button has it pushed and why do you have the button in the first place? Also, think about your part in any distressing situation and ask yourself, “What is my part in this situation?

Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, and stop taking things personally ~ it is not about you!

Coach Carolyn

This month’s Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup Gatherings are focused on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I have always stated if everyone on the planet would read this book, this world would be very different. For myself, having embraced the agreements, my life is considerably calmer, more peaceful and more purposeful.

The first agreement is Be Impeccable With Your Word. Remember the time when a person’s word was their bond? What happened to those days? Today, even if it is written in blood, there can still be disputes and lawsuits.

Don Miguel simply says to speak your word with integrity; if you say it, mean it. Also, avoid using the word against yourself and others; steer clear of using the word for malicious intent. Remember our mothers saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” This still applies. Unfortunately, it isn’t enforced.

Just for today, speak your word with conscious awareness. Don’t simply speak to fill up space. Only speak if it is an improvement to silence.

*rummage rummage... has to be some emergency chocolate around here somewhere... rummage rummage..*

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Edit: It gets worse. Someone just emailed me and told me how this damned leaflet arrived in my home. I'd spotted it on the kitchen unit. What I hadn't spotted, was that it came in my milk tokens envelope. From Healthy Start. So, the healthy start eating programme, run by the UK Gov, to encourage healthy eating in infants from lower income families... is sending an image of a bottle feeding young baby, into homes on lower incomes, that they are targeting for extra support in... raising breastfeeding rates. As this socio-economic group has the lowest breastfeeding rates in the UK.

Seriously, you couldn't make this up.